Think back to being 21 years old. Your whole life was before you, full of possibilities and optimism. If you went to college, it was probably the last free summer before you became a "real adult" and had to get a job. If you had been adulting for a while, well, at least you didn't have to ask your friends to buy the beer anymore.
At 21, you have been able to vote, enlist in the military to fight and die for your country, drive a car, and buy tickets to rated-R movies; in short, you left childhood and all of its carefree trappings a while ago. For the newest generations of adults, however, the grown-up concept of responsibility has been egregiously blurred.
Too many of today's young adults are products of "gentle parenting," that is, the raising of a friend rather than a future adult. Spanking? Absolutely not. Washing mouths out with soap? Unfathomable. Boundaries? Unnecessary. Ultimatums? No, loose choices. Punishment? Let's go with "natural consequences." In 1980, the American Psychiatric Association introduced "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" (ODD) to the medical diagnosis lexicon. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, ODD symptoms include:
- Frequent temper tantrums
- Excessive arguing with adults
- Often questioning rules
- Mean and hateful talk when upset
- Blaming others for mistakes or misbehavior
Is it just me, or does that describe practically every child ever? I am in the thick of the "3- to 6-year old" life — my son is 7, and my daughter is 5 — and that list of behaviors has been a regular part of my life for a while. It's a regular part of my mom friends' lives. Because it's a normal part of childhood.
That's what kids do: test boundaries, scream to express their emotions, and think the world revolves around them. It's our job as parents, though, to correct the behavior consistently, and making our kids' lives uncomfortable is some of the hardest work we will ever do in our lives. Wouldn't it be so much easier just to pretend that our kids are perfect, just-victimized, and move on with our day? Duh. And just like that, responsible parenting shifted from a standard expectation to a luxury.
When Laken Ashlee Snelling was born in 2004, ODD had been around for a generation, and countless parents benefited from the excuses of ignoring their child's lack of discipline. Did the Snellings use "gentle parenting" or believe in ridiculous diagnoses? Let's answer that question by looking at their daughter as evidence. This blonde-haired, blue-eyed all-American girl from White Pine, Tenn., was an accomplished pageant queen and competitive cheerleader. She was talented enough to jump, throw, and tumble her way to the top of the University of Kentucky Stunt Team. It would seem she took responsibility for what went right in her life, but not what went wrong.
She was arrested last week and charged with three crimes:
- Concealing the birth of an infant
- Tampering with physical evidence
- Abuse of corpse
Snelling, a senior at the University of Kentucky, secretly birthed a baby, put the soiled linens and the child in a big black trash bag, and hid the biohazard in her closet. Read that again and ask yourself how this 21-year-old student athlete likely handles responsibility.
When I left for college, my dad was crystal clear: if I ever found myself in a position with one phone call, do not call him. I was responsible for my actions, end of discussion. Harsh? Maybe, but it was incredible parenting.
It is quite easy to jump to the conclusion that she killed the baby upon delivery, and perhaps she did. Is it possible that Snelling delivered a stillborn baby? Yes. Notice the crimes at this point do not involve murder, manslaughter, or homicide. Let's look at what we do know:
Home Birth
Laken Snelling gave birth in the house she shared with at least one other roommate. A residence is not an uncommon delivery location for women trying to conceal a pregnancy, but was she trying to hide it? Her TikTok account indicates she was not. Snelling was not shy about her toned abs, but everything from April 2025 forward shows what looks like a baby bump. There are pictures taken with a young man in a pre-scheduled professional photo shoot posted with the hashtag "couple photography"; Snelling is probably six or seven months along, by my guess, still relatively small and not near full-term. If the pregnancy was not really a secret on TikTok, surely her parents knew? Best friend? Baby daddy? Why would Snelling behave as though she had no choice but to have this baby alone and in secret?
Concerned Roommate
Not long after this significant but surreptitious medical event, Snelling went to class (you read that correctly). The alleged stench of bleach, blood, and sweat prompted a housemate to enter Snelling's bedroom and investigate. What the witness found was so terrible that she called 911 immediately. When police confronted her, Snelling admitted to giving birth and putting everything in the trash bag they found in her closet. I don't know about y'all, but I never kept a bottle of bleach or big black trash bags in my room. To me, that level of planning requires some twisted thinking.
Court Proceedings
Snelling, even though she admitted to police that she delivered a baby and concealed the evidence and the child in a black trash bag in her closet, she entered a plea of "not guilty" and posted $100,000 in bond. Authorities sent her to her parents' home in Tennessee to await her September 26 court hearing. She is not required to wear an ankle monitor, but she is obligated to reside with her parents. Her father attended her court hearing yesterday and held her hand on the way out of the chamber.
Again, did they know their college daughter was pregnant? Given her anticipated delivery date, I have a hard time believing they would have allowed their child to return to campus alone, enroll in classes, and continue on the stunt team if they did. I, too, thought I was slick enough to get away with some ridiculous capers when I was younger, but my dad's directive always echoed in my mind: Do not call me to bail you out of your predicament. But a pregnancy? A brand new human? How could anyone expect to keep that a secret? Something was not right in this girl's thought process.
All of this brings us right back to where we started: the idea of responsibility in today's young adults. If you're responsible enough for consensual sex, you're responsible enough to have a baby. If you're not responsible enough to raise that child, you are responsible for giving that child their best chance with someone who is. There are Safe Haven Baby Boxes in and around Lexington where Snelling could have legally and safely left the baby. If you unexpectedly encounter a lifeless human being, you are responsible for seeking help. How is this controversial? When you refuse to accept responsibility for your actions, people get hurt or killed.
Laken Snelling refused to take responsibility for her actions, and now she is enduring the immediate consequences: no more cheer squad, no more hanging out with friends, no more independence. Put that way, it sounds like she's grounded. If her youth had more punishments instead of the whole wait-and-see what the "natural consequences" are, maybe she wouldn't be in this situation. If her parents had forced a little more discomfort on their daughter's early life, perhaps they wouldn't have $100,000 on the hook, and their grandchild would still be alive.
Today, we have more questions than answers, and this investigation is sure to pick up steam and media attention in the coming weeks. Snelling's "not guilty" plea will force a trial wherein the prosecution will have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she intentionally concealed the birth of an infant, intentionally abused a corpse, and intentionally tampered with evidence. Severe postpartum psychosis? It cannot be eliminated from consideration, and, let's be honest, at this point, it would offer a degree of consolation.
As parents, it is our duty to raise children in such a way that they know life is not a video game. There are no "extra lives," resets, or cheat codes. For all of Laken Snelling's shortcomings, it would seem her parents failed her first. I am certain that if my child ever put a baby in a trash bag for any reason, I have failed in every possible way. What did I do to make that child think they were safer in secrecy than honesty? Where did I lead my kid to believe human life is not sacred? How did my child think I would react and why would (s)he have that expectation? If you're nodding your head in agreement, it's because you know how to take responsibility for your actions, and I'm willing to bet that because you do, your children do, too.
