Anyone who has known me for at least 20 minutes knows Metallica is my favorite band of all time. The band pioneered thrash metal in the ’80s and dabbled in more mainstream rock in the ’90s, giving us songs like “Enter Sandman” and “Hero of the Day.” Their partnership with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra is incredible, but I digress.
One of the reasons it was easy for me to get away with blaring James Hetfield’s vocals on my 3-disc CD changer was that there was no swearing. “Damn” was the only word we could let slide because one, it was “Mama’s driving word,” and two, Garth Brooks said it in his song “Rodeo,” and country music fans don’t argue with Garth Brooks. (We save that for Chris Gaines.)
Metallica’s “Hardwired… to Self-Destruct” came out in 2016, long after I left the nest, which is good because right out of the gate, “Hardwired” drops all kinds of words.
In the name of desperation
In the name of wretched pain
In the name of all creation
Gone insaneWe’re so f****d
S**t outta luck
Hardwired to self-destruct
This song has been getting a lot of airtime from me recently because it is one of those crank-it-up-and-get-it-out jams. But today it hit me: this song is resonating so much because it’s the anthem of the GOP.
“Desperation” and “insane” are words I would use to describe Nancy Mace, Matt Gaetz, Mitch McConnell’s staffers, and half of the people on the presidential candidate roster. “Wretched pain” is what I’ve named my right eye twitch; it’s triggered every time I hear the word “speaker.”
We should be embarrassed about what’s going on in Washington.
These people look like a group of 11th graders trying to pick the junior class president rather than the Speaker of the House. pic.twitter.com/FTkMzSNFhE
— Chris Christie (@GovChristie) October 23, 2023
But we can’t let the House GOP get all of the attention. What’s happening in Texas is nothing short of Colony Ridge-level drama.
On the way to paranoia
On the crooked borderline
On the way to great destroyer
Doom designWe’re so f****d
S**t outta luck
Hardwired to self-destruct
It appears there is something of a showdown between the House and the Senate in Austin. Fortunately, the state banned dueling in 1836, because otherwise Texas Lt. Gov. and President of the Senate Dan Patrick would be out on Congress Ave. with Speaker of the House Dade Phelan.
The most recent saga began over the summer when it appeared Phelan was wielding the gavel while intoxicated on the House floor. Attorney General Ken Paxton (also GOP) took to Twitter/X to call for Phelan’s resignation. Phelan went scorched earth, replying with 20 impeachment charges against Paxton. Patrick (gosh, why do they all have to start with P?), leader of the Senate, oversaw the impeachment trial that took place, you guessed it, in the Senate. And the double whammy? Angela Paxton, the Attorney General’s wife, is a sitting state senator.
I’ll let you figure out which player goes with which lyric.
Emblematic: The dumpster at the Texas Attorney General's office is on fire #txlege pic.twitter.com/Jflvf4GYwq
— Scott Braddock (@scottbraddock) May 25, 2023
Once upon a planet burning
Once upon a flame
Once upon a fear returning
All in vainWe’re so f****d
S**t outta luck
Hardwired to self-destruct
No, this bit isn’t about Greta Thunberg, but I can make a compelling argument that it runs parallel to Donald Trump. Forget climate change — the Middle East is literally on fire as we come upon the cusp of World War III. Those who love Trump and those who hate him — all GOP, by the way — are one pitchfork shy of a reckoning. What started as a candidacy to unite the party and country has turned into a “mostly peaceful” circular firing squad.
As we watch the GOP circle the drain, Democrats are holding their fire. My colleague Matt Margolis pointed out that their posturing is silly, so why would they really try? Napoleon Bonaparte put it nicely when he said, “Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” One of the most destructive things the GOP does is host primary debates. Candidates are not interested in anyone getting out alive except themselves, so Democrats sit back with some popcorn and a video editor, pulling clips from the candidates’ own mouths to use against them.
Why would Nancy Pelosi or Kamala Harris or even Gavin Newsom say or do anything to pause the pandemonium? Between Donald Trump extending the election cycle from 18 to 24 months, the GOP being unable to elect a Speaker of the House, and futile calls for anyone in the state of Texas to resign, dyed-in-the-wool Republicans on the sidelines are exhausted. They’re tired of the immaturity and pettiness and talking over each other. As a former campaigner, I can attest that voter fatigue is worse than voter apathy. Apathetic people literally don’t care, but you might find something that sparks their interest. Voter fatigue affects the people you could count on for a lot of things (volunteering, donating, block walking, sign and sticker display, poll watching) and then they’re suddenly gone — they’re over it and over you.
Do you feel that hope that’s fading?
Do you comprehend?
Do you feel it terminating?
In the endWe’re so f****d
S**t outta luck
Hardwired to self-destruct
No one in elected office is going to question if they’re the problem; humility is too often the downpayment on a state- or nation-wide campaign. No one on their staffs will lead them on a covert exercise in the matter — they like their jobs, or at least tolerate them well enough until something better comes along. The media has no interest in a functioning GOP. That means it’s up to card-carrying Republicans to apply pressure or risk losing majorities.
Texas is already a shade of purple. Increasing numbers of Democrats from California, Illinois, and New York moving to the Lone Star State, adding population to more liberal metropolitan areas, started the “Turn Texas Blue” campaign. Now, it appears, Republicans may carry them across the finish line via incessant infighting.
Related: In Praise of GOP Chaos
The United States with a Blue Texas ain’t exactly the GOP’s idea of a good time so if they want to have a chance 12 months from now, it’s time they got off their high horses and mucked out the stables. Might I recommend one of my all-time favorite songs, Metallica’s “The Four Horsemen,” as a theme song?
Note: As much as I adore Metallica, I do not now nor have I ever cared about their politics. This article is in no way a reflection of Metallica’s stance and it certainly has not been sanctioned by the band — that would mean that I would have had to talk to them, and that would mean that I am dead because I really might die a fan girl’s death, if James Hetfield called me to discuss my writing. Long live rock ‘n roll, y’all!
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