07-16-2018 03:35:09 PM -0700
07-16-2018 10:17:06 AM -0700
07-16-2018 07:10:22 AM -0700
07-15-2018 02:41:03 PM -0700
07-13-2018 10:59:54 AM -0700
It looks like you've previously blocked notifications. If you'd like to receive them, please update your browser permissions.
Desktop Notifications are  | 
Get instant alerts on your desktop.
Turn on desktop notifications?
Remind me later.

President Chaos and the Keystone Kongress

Wow, is this the most entertaining administration ever, or what? I mean, too bad about the republic and all, but at least there's never a dull moment!

What a week! After a health care bill nearly dies due to Capital malfeasance and White House neglect, Donald Trump finally discovers his inner president and bully pulpits the Keystone Kongress back to work. A (let's face it) dying Senator John McCain — a man who seems to love the image of himself on a white horse more than he likes actually winning stuff — gets on his white horse and rides to rescue the vote, then votes the wrong way because something something something.

Trump, meanwhile, after demonstrating that he actually does have the skilz to do his job, stops doing his job and surrenders to his gigantic inner demon. Rushing into the White House phone booth to turn into his alter ego, Max Chaos, he proceeds to humiliate one of his best appointments and staunchest allies, Jeff Sessions, then quickly turns to wrong-footing the Pentagon with some surprise tweets about guy soldiers who want to be girl soldiers. At the same time, he alienates his steadfast pugilistic pal Sean Spicer by appointing Anthony Scaramucci, who quickly proves himself to be the only New York Italian nicknamed "Mooch" who is too disorganized for organized crime.

Mooch then calls a lefty reporter and tells him on-the-record that Steve Bannon is attempting a self-contained sexual position previously deemed impossible — so at least someone in the administration is working on something useful! And while Reince Priebus is wondering what all this means for his position, his position becomes "Out on the Street," and an ex-general becomes chief of staff.

With all the military guys and Trump family members in place, the administration is beginning to have a faintly South American flavor to it. So I guess we can all look forward to better empanadas and also the collapse of Western civilization.

You know what's the funniest thing about all this? The funniest thing is that it's still better than having the Democrats in power! Like, a lot better. We now know the Obama administration was spying on just about everybody. The Hillary gang seem to have been the ones really colluding with Putin. The Senate minority leader has given up on capitalism. And the former head of the DNC has been doing God-knows-what with a Pakistani IT guy who just got arrested trying to blow the country!

So while the stupid party is reaching Ultimate Stupid, the evil party has been pushing the needle toward Satanic.

Now you may be asking: What the hell happened to the greatest country on earth — and also, why is this Klavan guy laughing? I will answer both questions.