Klavan On The Culture

Witches Putting Curse on Trump

Hillary, Pelosi and Warren do their worst.

Witches are joining together across the country to perform black magic rituals that will put a curse on Donald Trump. The witches are organizing through social media to summon “demons of the infernal realms” to insure the president will “fail utterly.” The rituals includes burning a picture of Trump and visualizing the president “blowing apart into dust or ash.”


At one midnight gathering on a lonely, moonlit hill, three hideous old crones were recently seen dancing around a steaming cauldron, throwing ingredients into the brew. The chief witch, an unbearably ugly hag, was heard chanting:

Double Trouble

Our party’s in rubble

We’ve been living in a bubble.

Eye of Newt, and nose of Ryan.

Heart of Putin who’s been spyin’

McConnel’s Wattle, Bannon’s Rump.

How the hell did I lose to Donald Trump???

The International Association of Witches refused to release the chief witch’s name, though she was heard unleashing an ear-splitting cackle before flying through the trees in her magic pant suit.

The second of the three weird sisters, on leave from her day job as House Minority Leader, was also heard chanting bizarre gibberish. Then after her interview at CNN, Nancy Pelosi hurried to join the rest of her coven at the cauldron, where she added to the mix by throwing in parts of babies she had purchased at the Butcher’s Counter at her local Planned Parenthood.

At a press conference afterward, Miss Pelosi told reporters,“These powerful rituals will really put a spell on President Bush.”When told Bush was no longer President, Pelosi said, “Well, whoever’s president, whatever it is we’re doing here will stop him from doing whatever it is he’s doing, or my name isn’t Dolly Madison.” When told that her name was not, in fact, Dolly Madison, Miss Pelosi said, “Well, where am I then?”

The third horrific battle-axe was seen dancing around the cauldron chanting,


Trump will never win this game,

For Faux-ca-hontas is my name.

The grisly harpy then donned an Indian headdress in the hope she would be able to list herself as not just a Medusa-like termagant able to conjure demons out of the pits of hell but also a minority.  She then led the rest of her party in a bizarre dance in which they kept turning to the left until they ended up in exactly the same place, namely losing to Donald Trump.

President Trump responded to the supernatural threats by saying he was not afraid of the witch’s spells since he knew much better spells, and it was not just him saying that, but many, many people had said his spells were the best spells, believe me.

After the witches’ ceremony was over, the three grotesque viragos attempted to fly away on broomsticks, but discovered they had no idea how to use a broom because none of them had ever done a day’s honest work in her life.

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