Klavan On The Culture

Justice Department to Reality: Stop!

The monologue from one of my podcasts this week:

The Justice Department is now suing the state of North Carolina over the state law that would bar men who think they’re women from using bathrooms meant for women who think they’re women and are right because they’re, you know, women.

Attorney General Blandly Sinister told reporters: “If the state of North Carolina can tell a man he’s not a woman then pretty soon dogs won’t be cats, cars won’t be trees and beef won’t be celery and that’s just not a world I want to live in! If we can’t make transgenderism the civil rights issue of this decade, then we’re going to have to figure out how to fix the economy and fight terrorism and, let’s face it, there’s not much chance of that. ”

Transgender Activist Burlycue Molesto told reporters: “Even though I still have a man’s sexual equipment, I dream of having just the sort of soft, full, magnificent breasts that I would love to put my hands on… if I were a man… which I’m not, believe me! But if I were, I’d never be able to get enough of me.”

1960s Civil Rights activist Reverend Ashton P. Racecard issued a statement saying: “This reminds me of the 1960s when brave black men who endured segregation faced violent resistance in order to win the right to identify as black women who endured segregation. I was so impressed with their courage, that I’ve been identifying as black ever since and it’s been a terrific living for me, I don’t mind saying. I mean, you should see my car! Do you think a white man would be able to afford a car like that? I don’t think so!”

Presumptive Democratic nominee for corrupt president Hillary Clinton said she would also join the fight to make sure sexually deviant men could use women’s bathrooms and locker rooms. Mrs. Clinton told reporters: “I will not rest until every single little girl in the state of North Carolina has been molested by some crazy dirtbag.”

Mrs. Clinton, who is herself a harpy who identifies as a human being, says she fears there could soon be state laws that prevent her from sweeping down out of the night sky and tearing men’s souls out with her teeth.

Presumptive Republican nominee for absolutely disgraceful president Donald Trump also came out against the North Carolina bill. He said: “This bill would prevent creepy men from sneaking up on younger women in areas where those women cannot easily call for help… which, let’s face it, is my entire game at this point.”

Personally, I feel the Justice Department’s suit raises many very serious questions. For instance, “What the hell is going on around here?” And, “When’s the next train back to reality?”

Let’s put it this way: If you’re waiting for that reality train, I hope you brought something to eat.

For more commentary, listen to my podcasts Monday through Thursday.