Klavan On The Culture

10 Things the MSM Can Celebrate if Obama Wins

Sometimes when I look at the PJ Media home page, when I see Roger L. Simon ripping into the Benghazi story, say, or the mighty Victor Davis Hanson unpacking the Obama record and the thought behind it, when I read Roger Kimball’s Olympian insights or Stephen Green’s stiletto wit, when I kick back with a column by Driscoll, McCarthy, Walsh, Ledeen, any of them, I can’t help but feel a certain sense of smug satisfaction. I can’t help but think, “Man oh man, is it ever fun to be one of the good guys!”

It’s not just the brains and talent these characters pack — though there’s simply nothing like it on the left, there really isn’t — it’s the fact that each and every one of them spends his writing time trying to get at the truth. They may err. They may have a bad day and miss the mark. But none of them — not one — is trying to fool anyone or suppress anything, or trying to get anyone to confuse their opinions with facts. Whether their favored candidate wins or loses on Election Day, they can sleep well, knowing they’ve done their jobs.

So that makes me wonder: what will it be like on November 7th for the journalists who have sacrificed their integrity to their ideology, the people I mean at the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times, NBC News, ABC News, and so on, who convinced themselves that their political point of view was so right, so virtuous, so true that it was somehow okay for them to skew the facts, suppress the stories, and game the numbers as long as the distortions helped their candidate to victory. If their man loses, God help them, they’ve stained their professional honor beyond redemption; they’ve made themselves nothing, and will be left with nothing.

But what if they win? What will it be like in the Times city room or at ABC, if they actually succeed at securing four more years for Obama? What will the men and women of the mainstream media celebrate then? Here are the top ten things I expect to hear over the clink of champagne glasses at the MSM victory party.

1. “Hooray! There are still JUST enough people left in the country who think we’re telling the truth!”

2. “Who’s obsolete now, hanh? The president of the United States can leave four heroic Americans to die, repeatedly lie about the reason for it and uselessly, put a man in jail for making a video — and if we keep quiet about it, people will still vote for him! That, my friend, is power!”

3. “Thank goodness! Black poverty and unemployment have skyrocketed over these last four years and the median income of African-Americans has plummeted — this is no time to let one of those racist Republicans take over!”

4. “Hahahaha!  The Republican war on women! I NEVER thought they’d buy THAT garbage! With more women living in poverty than ever before under Obama and the female unemployment rate up over 15 percent! I thought for sure they’d catch us on that one.  But nope, they bought it! Hahahaha! God, I love this job!”

5. “I’ll bet John Nolte’s pissed off today. I hate that guy!”

6. “Hey, look at me! I’m Big Bird! I need federal money! Hahahahaha!”

7. “I’ll be damned! Nate Silver was right! I know! I thought he was making that crap up too! Hey, maybe we should invite him to the party…  Nah.”

8. “Now Obama can institute his plan to cut the deficit before debt destroys our great nation. Hahahaha, kidding, I’m kidding.”

9. “Sure, Obama gave most of his interviews to MTV, Rolling Stone, The View, David Letterman and Jay Leno and mostly he talked about nonsense! But it was our silence about the important things that really put him over the finish line!”

10. “‘What’s the difference if I saaaaay…  I’ll go awaaaaay…  When he knows I’ll come back on my knees some daaaaaay….  For whatever my man is….  I am his!  Forevermore…‘  Jeeze, I’m not feeling too well. Call me a cab…”

Well, let’s hope we never find out for real.


image courtesty shutterstock / Kesu