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Poltergeist Under Couple’s Bed Turns Out to Be Meth Addict:

The couple had started to pick up the mess left in their bedroom when Bridget O’Neill found a pair of shoes that didn’t belong to her. Minutes later, Brian O’Neill moved their bed slightly to pick up a bracelet off the floor, he says. Suddenly, something under the bed started to stir. “It was a noise coming from something alive,” Brian O’Neill says. “It sounded like a dying possum or raccoon. I had only heard wounded animals make that kind of noise before.”

Bridget O’Neill wondered aloud if something had happened to one of their two cats, Mogwai and Gizmo. “I was like, ‘I don’t think it’s the cat,’” Brian O’Neill says.

The animal noise grew louder. Then the couple heard the sound of fierce scratching. They fled the bedroom and called the cops again. The Seattle Police Department rushed back to the scene and later offered its own tongue-in-cheek take on the bizarre occurrence. “Now facing the possibility of having to figure out how to arrest a poltergeist, officers dutifully sped back to the University District condo,” the department wrote in its entertaining and often-hilarious crime blotter.

The O’Neills waited outside their condo when the police returned and went inside. The officers emerged a few minutes later with a lanky, wild-eyed woman.

You know you’re not supposed to do that, right?