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Our Long National Nightmare Begins

March 1st, 2013 - 7:56 am

So… have any sequester horror stories to share?

I was awoken this morning to the sound of an un-air-traffic-controlled passenger jet making a forced emergency landing on the interstate just west of here. That was nothing of course to the sound (and sight) of Cheyenne Mountain collapsing in on itself as NORAD HQ inside collapsed from lack of maintenance. Fortunately, no military personnel or contractors were there, as they’d all been laid off, immediately after they’d left the facility to scrounge for sustenance out of the cold, hard Colorado soil.

I’m not expecting the mail to be delivered today. Not to the right address, anyway. But that’s a regular occurrence here at Casa Verde. Our little cul de sac was renamed from “Court” to “Massive Giant Pothole,” only there was nobody to repaint the street sign. Melissa tells me she’s afraid to try leaving the house because it looks for sure like her tire pressure might be suboptimal.

The children are cold and hungry because the food in the refrigerator has become unsafe, and their pajamas are no longer fire retardant.

We’ll keep you posted with new developments as the sequester takes our nation — and our home! — fully by the throat.

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I'm hanging out at the airport today. The lines at security were shorter than usual for a Friday, after I got to the airport early just in case. So here I'm wasting an hour at the airport putting in billable hours on my laptop instead of watching type-A MBA heads explode in a Sequester!-stretched security queue.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
I just have one story: sequestration is hitting everyone hard, why the Vatican had to layoff the Pope.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Are you recycling your Y2K column? or was it the Mayan apocalypse column, or was the asteroid strike one? So many disasters, so little time.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
Cfbleachers At The Bat

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mid viewpont that day;
The score stood two to nothing, since last election day,
And then when McCain crumbled in the first, and Romney did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the witness to our shame.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, "If only cbbleachers could but get a whack at that--
We'd put up even money now, with CFB at the bat."

But Clinton preceded Hagel, and in came Spandex Kerry,
And our defense was now just voodoo, while the latter is a flake;
So upon the stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of bleachers getting to the bat.

But Woodward let drive a missive, an unexpected taskl,
And Lanny, the much despis├Ęd, tore the cover off the mask;
And when the dust had lifted, and men saw what had taken place,
Woodward was on Fox, which prompted a disgrace.

Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It pounded on the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For the media saw truth and was having none of that.

There was ease in all their slander as they stepped into his breach;
There's no pride in propaganda or the art of lies they preach.
And when, responding to the truth, they sneered and scoffed at that,
No stranger to our nation would doubt 'twas DePravda with a bat.

Six million eyes were on them as they tried to dig up dirt;
Three million tongues would whisper as they saw another hurt;
Then while the writhing writers ground the truth into a mash,
Defiance flashed in Sperling's eye, a sneer curled Carney's lip.

And now the ink-stained rocks came hurtling through the air,
And Severus stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the GOP frozen the slanderl unheeded sped--
"That ain't my style," said Boeher. "Strike one!" the empire said.

From the sidelines, pajama'ed people, gave out a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a past and distant shore;
"Expose them!! Expose the Empire!" shouted many to their team;
But it's not likely they'd expose them, they were busy acting on a Dream.

With a smile of Christian charity and Jewish humor too;
They stilled the rising tumult; they bade their time it's true;
They confirmed Kerry and then Hagel, and once more the dumb sphere grew;
But the party still ignored it, and the empire said, "Strike two!"

"Fraud!" cried the maddened millions, and echo answered "Fraud!"
But one scornful look from Hillary and the who looked suspiciously like Maude.
They saw her face grow stern and cold, they saw her locked jaw strain,
And they knew that Hillary wouldn't ever testify again.

The sneer has fled from Holder's lip, his teeth were clenched in hate;
He hid with cruel violence while Janet opened up the gate.
They captured future Democrats and now they let them go.
And now the border's shattered by the as the drugs begin to flow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no place for Middleview, it's time has just run out.
1 year ago
1 year ago Link To Comment
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