Put the words ‘protein-rich’ and ‘sustainable’ together, and tax-funded government-run school lunch ladies will soon be dishing out insect-based delicacies to their tubby customers (I predict) within a year.

Watch this video to see that First Lady Michelle Obama’s solution to the nation’s child-obesity grandemic can be found in a humble newstand in Times Square, out in the countryside, or practically anywhere. Yes, we’re talking crickets — cricket flour, cricket cookies, cricket gumbo, cricket soufflé, etc. 

Crickets — they’re not just for music at dusk anymore. Yummm.


Contains 100% of your RDA of
Protein, antennae and leg hair
Serving Size: 43 crickets


No more “food deserts” here, Mrs. Obama, because if crickets are good eatin’ and plentiful, no doubt cockroaches are better and even more abundant in communities bereft of Whole Foods stores. 

Experts at the Food and Drug Administration are frantically revising the food pyramid even now to make sure we include three servings daily of winged arthropods and their juvenile larval forms. (Why do you think Festus called it ‘grub’?)

While the entrepreneur in the video notes that bugs have a “branding problem,” it’s nothing that couldn’t be ameliorated by a full-court PR press led by the First Lady, accompanied by outgoing White House press secretary Jay Carney, by Jiminy!

So, let’s get moving.

(NOTE: Any insect matter currently found in your school lunch is purely accidental.)