[From the ScrappleFace Global Religion Bureau]
Pope Benedict XVI shocked the world, and the Roman Catholic church, today when he “updated” his original justification for his early retirement, now admitting he’s quitting to spend more time slalom skiing, windsurfing and satisfying his passion for a variety of extreme sports.
The Vatican had initially indicated that the octogenarian pontiff was stepping down due to the physical infirmities of old age, but the Holy See was forced to admit the full story when Piers Morgan, the CNN talkshow host, tweeted skeptically…
As a Catholic, I’m not buying this. Popes don’t just quit because they’re tired. What’s going on here??
The 85-year-old Benedict skips town after just eight years on the job, saying he needs more time for recreation, and to get back into shape. He’s the first pope since 1415 to resign, when Pope Tonyhawk CCCLX put down the mitre to pick up the skateboard.
A Vatican spokeman said the disappointment at the Holy See is palpable, since many were looking forward to the eventual pageantry of a papal funeral, which is how the faithful typically celebrate a pope’s retirement party.
Meanwhile, Piers Morgan said he’s asked his bishop for a special dispensation to get the first interview with an ex-Pope in 597 years. A Vatican spokesman couldn’t say if it would happen, but recommended that Morgan get ready to shoot a sit-down with the erstwhile Pontiff at the studio where NASA filmed the moon landing.
I thought he was resigning so he could return to his first love: being a gangsta rapper.
My favorite comment going around: “Pope joins Twitter, loses interest in job”.
I heard it as:
“Pope joins Twitter, loses faith in humanity in less than a week.”
If one were a real cynic like me, one could be led to believe from the vile responses directed against Pope Benedict on Twitter, this good and decent man pondered and thought…
…”These moonbat, godless neo-pagans from the Left are beyond hope but I tried. You were right and I was wrong, Lord.”
NAH! The real reason is Paedophila, underage sex slaves, and rampant debauchery by “supposed seminarian graduates” and “seasoned” Priests.
Need Proof? O.K. In Brazil, worlds largest congregation of both practicing and non-practicing Catholics, had a cohesive force of nearly 100% adherence to the Catholic doctrines. Today, a mass defection (begun in the 1980′s) has engorged Evangelical ranks, while depleating Catholic religiosity. Some 50% to 60% defection rate has taken place. Sunday masses are conducted by “laiety” due to a total lack of interest in Catholic priesthood and Seminary (Paedophile)life.
This has opened an irreperable “schism” in the Catholic Church as currently constituted. A “New” Pope will merely try to assure remaining faithful of “The Church’s” historical and pastoral relevance while continuing to sweep under the rug:1)Paedophila, 2)underage sex slaves, and 3)rampant debauchery.
The “New” Pope will have a new “Council” to address this and many failures, all the while continuing down the path to:1)greed, 2)power, and 3) corruption. How many “Vatican Scandals” must the world stand-by and watch as all Vatican City hierarchy continue to flaunt Mankinds Laws and Morality? HUH??? Arrest these felons, bring them to trial (Like Berlusconi) and hand them lengthy jail sentences. Pray. Amen. God Save Our Children.