If you don’t know what twerking is yet, I’ll explain it one more time. To “twerk,” as the kids say, is not your average Jennifer Gray/Patrick Swayze dirty dancing. In fact, it makes their bump and grind look like the foxtrot. I was in Oklahoma last year hanging out with my cousins at a rodeo bar (yeah, I know it’s cliché but when in OK City, it’s A-Ok to go full-on cowgirl). I was beyond perplexed when I realized I brought my red leather cowboy boots down hard on some poor girl’s fingers on the dance floor. What were her fingers doing on said dance floor, you might ask? She was twerking. Imagine, if you can, what kind of position a girl must be in to have her hands on the floor and ass in the air, while gyrating around like an acrobat on LSD. It’s not pretty. In fact, it’s pretty ugly. I can tell you that I and the five other people I was with had a great time discussing and laughing (as was the guy she was twerking on, btw). No one thinks this is sexy. It’s a big joke. It’s as if the guys in the room (not men) are all waiting to see who they can fool into trying this “move,” which is nothing more than a scene from a XXX movie.
This video pretty much sums up how ridiculous and stupid people look while twerking.
So, what can you do about it, you who have daughters and a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that they too might slide down the way of tongue-out twerking?
9. Sunday is not just another shopping day.
This seems like a no-brainer, but if you plan to just drop your kid off at Sunday school while you head to the bar, don’t bother. Take your daughters to church and implement what you learn there in your lives. This means finding out what she learned and talking about it with her, praying with her, and showing her how to have a relationship with God that will stick with her. Learn her Bible verses with her, read scripture together, particularly the scripture that deals with the worth of women, for she is more precious than rubies and diamonds and she should know it.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way she should go and when she is old she will not turn from it.”
There is no time too early to train your daughter in the ways of the scripture. Nothing she will learn there will harm her or bruise her. It will arm her with spiritual ammunition to fight the cultural onslaught of crap coming her way. When her friends take her to a club and everyone is simulating sex on the dance floor, perhaps she will remember Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Train her to discern what is good and what is harmful. It takes practice and study and repetition to focus your girls on whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if there is any excellence, anything praiseworthy, think on those things! Philippians 4:8-9
8. Use unusual source material.
I don’t know what possessed Ashton Kutcher to speak the glorious words that came out of his mouth recently at an awards show when he told kids that what’s really sexy is smarts, but they should be memorized by today’s teens. When your daughter tries to dress, speak, or act like a street-walker, sit her down in front of Kutcher’s video and play it. Rewind the part where he says, “Trust me, everything else is crap.” If they won’t believe you, surely they’ll believe Ashton Kutcher, won’t they?
7. Shame, shame, and more shame.
Slut-shaming is a popular phrase used by people who want to excuse young girls rubbing their privates on grown men. Don’t ask me why there is a whole cabal of women so concerned with “slut-shaming” that they can’t see that the war on women is happening right in front of them by the people they’re defending. I say, shame away! When my girls are accidentally exposed to slutty behavior, I take the opportunity to point it out, shame it, and explain how lucky they are that they have parents who love them unlike that poor slutty girl over there. It goes something like this:
“Mommy, why is that girl showing us her butt?”
“Honey, that poor girl is trying to get attention and everyone is looking at her, but they’re all thinking how terrible she looks. It’s sad no one loves her enough to tell her how ridiculous that looks. Aren’t you lucky your parents love you and would never let you go out dressed like that?”
In 2009, Duke University reported on the effectiveness of shame in India, where people were defecating near water sources and making everyone sick. It wasn’t enough to tell these people that pooping in the drinking water isn’t a good idea and can kill you; they still did it. It wasn’t enough to offer them subsidies either. Despite being paid with government subsidies to install a latrine, they still insisted on fouling the drinking water. It suddenly stopped when the community got together and decided to shame the culprits. Whenever someone was caught with their pants down in public they would be ridiculed and taunted by a group of neighbors. Suddenly, squatting outside wasn’t so appealing.
This is the same attack we should take on confronting slut-behavior in our culture. It’s dangerous, it’s vulgar, it’s damaging to our daughters’ sense of well-being and worth, and I’m not having it. You shouldn’t either. I’m a proud slut-shamer. If I see a slut, I’m calling her out and I’m going to mercilessly ridicule her. It may not stop the sluts, but my girls will never need to ask where I stand on self-leaked sex tapes. As JudgyBitch points out, the same people who are so concerned over the feelings of sluts have no problem shaming smokers. Smoking is bad for you, it stinks, and it gives you wrinkles. That’s all true! Similarly, sluthood is also bad for you. It gives you unwanted pregnancies and greater chances of abortions, poverty, diseases (some of which are incurable), and an unsavory reputation. Tell your daughters the truth. Take every opportunity to shame the slut culture in front of them so they know that being a slut isn’t freeing or liberating. It’s simply dangerous and stupid. Your opinion as a parent matters. Make sure your opinions are known.
6. Get her married early.
This one is going to get me in trouble, but I’m fearless like that. Here’s some more truth. Women were meant to have babies young. Not at 30 or 40 or whenever the culture is now selling as an appropriate marriage age. Not only is it harder on the body to have babies much past 27, but it’s much harder to accept another person in your life when you’re already a confirmed singleton. There is nothing that would please me more than to send my newly married daughter and her husband off to college together. Remember married housing? I guess that’s a thing of the past now, but I can’t think of a better way for my child to avoid frat parties, roofies, and STDs than staying in with her hunky husband and enjoying marital bliss instead. I’d rather pay for an apartment and know that she has a husband watching out for her and taking care of her so I don’t have to worry about God knows what.
I’ve been married for 13 years. Mr. Fox and I were both 24 when we wed. We were young and it hasn’t all been easy, but one thing we have done right is truly growing up together. We started out kids and have grown together into adults with kids. There is a bond there that can’t be taken away. There are memories and a history that mean something great. Marriage isn’t bondage. It’s a great way to grow up with your partner and friend. Marrying young is great for having babies before nature makes it difficult. If you’ve ever seen a 19 or 20 year old after giving birth, her body practically snaps immediately back to pre-pregnancy shape. A few years later, it’s a much different story. Based on personal experience, I’d love to go back in time and have our babies younger simply for the physical benefits.
Clearly, you wouldn’t just marry off your daughter to anyone, but preparing her for marriage and leaving the option open, should the opportunity present itself with the right man, is a great idea. No parent should be counseling their daughter to wait, wait, wait to get married. It’s a dangerous choice. One of the reasons young people are so oversexed and prone to rubbing up against giant teddy bears is biology. Teens and young adults are biologically ready for sex and there’s no denying it. The earlier they can find a loving monogamous relationship to funnel all that energy all the better. Monogamy is healthy, satisfying, and good for civilization. Sex is great when exercised within the boundaries of marriage where it is 100% safe. Also, according to studies, marital sex is more satisfying than premarital sex.
Mark Regnerus, sociology professor and author, has researched young marriage and has come to a similar conclusion.
Marriage actually works best as a formative institution, not an institution you enter once you think you’re fully formed. We learn marriage, just as we learn language, and to the teachable, some lessons just come easier earlier in life.
5. Push her to pursue excellence.
If the only question facing your daughters is “to twerk or not to twerk?” then you need to widen her horizons. At some point your daughter will have passion for something that is good for her. She loves horses, or running, or drawing…anything! Whatever it is that your girl loves to do, you help her get as far with that talent as she can possibly go. If that means you sell belongings to get her to the Olympics, then you do it. You help her chase her dreams because if you don’t, she’s going to settle for something a lot less inspiring and he’s probably going to have facial piercings.
Finding out what your daughter does well and supporting her pursuit of it will show her you value her choices and you love her enough to put her dreams on your list of things to do. Keeping her busy pursuing excellence will leave little time for twerking with jerks and will also give her solid life lessons in hard work, perseverance, and discipline. However, if her dream is becoming a Disney pop star, steer her toward something far less damaging like quilt-making or debate team. By no means should you take your child to audition for the Mickey Mouse Club. Disney has turned into a slut factory.
4. Teach her real feminism.
Today’s feminists do nothing but harm women at every turn. They insist that women can be sluts and should be sluts but then aren’t there to pick up the pieces and treat the diseases or the broken hearts caused by their thoughtless counsel. Girls today need to know that the original feminists like Susan B. Anthony, Jane Addams, Alice Paul, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Victoria Woodhull and Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell were staunchly pro-life and pro-family. They were also respected professionals, like Dr. Blackwell. This is a startling contrast to today’s fauxminists. Looking at the issues they support like abortion on demand, casual sex, free birth control, and pornography, you would think they were run by horny frat boys. Nothing about their platform is freedom for women. Everything about it puts women under men, literally, while excusing men from any responsibility. It is imperative that your girls understand who the real feminists were and who the frauds are and what it means to be a true feminist in this anti-woman culture.
With rap artists singing about raping and killing women while women flock to their concerts, today’s girls have got to wake up! You have a responsibility to teach your daughters to be free thinkers and break away from the cultural rot and lead their peers with them. It is time for traditional feminism to revive and our girls are going to be the ones to do it. If Will Smith’s family is any indication, there are at least a few young people left who aren’t impressed by vulgarity. This is the proper reaction a girl should have in the face of such degradation. Revulsion.
There is only so much we parents can take before we fight back. Make it your goal to instill natural revulsion to perversity in your girls. They will thank you for it later.
3. Teach her to love excellent films.
Hollywood is a cesspit full of nasty people and horrible ideas. Some of what they make is great fun. Stick with those. Most of the rest of it is crap. Keep careful watch over what your girls are exposed to. I highly recommend instilling a love of good movies in your daughters. There are some great ones little girls love to watch that will inspire and entertain them for years to come. Mine are 7 and 4 and they are obsessed with 7 Brides for 7 Brothers at the moment. Singin’ in the Rain is particularly great for any girl who loves fashion, and who doesn’t love White Christmas at Christmas time? These are the types of movies you can watch together over and over again. Choose films and television shows (if you can find them) where traditional values are on display.
Limit television time and heavily censor what they watch. In my house, we watch no television except football. The rest is chosen on Netflix or DVD. This also means my girls don’t watch commercials that can attack the unsuspecting kid with all kinds of inappropriate messaging and undesirable language. The entertainment industry doesn’t care about your daughters or what is good for them, but you do, so take control while you still can and keep the garbage out of your house.
2. All girls’ magazines are terrible.
Perhaps not all, but all the ones I’ve seen are porn-lite. CosmoGirl, Seventeen — just avoid them entirely. If they aren’t chock-full of sex tips, they’re engaging in social programming about birth control and abortion rights. Seriously, don’t let them read these magazines. Instead, foster a love of good literature by reading classics to them like Anne of Green Gables and stories that will light up their imaginations. Rag celebrity magazines are nothing but sad attempts at justification of a perverted culture. Instead, get a subscription to The American Spectator. It sounds weird, but I used to go through my dad’s Weekly Standard and National Review and devour the cartoons. Those cartoons perfectly illustrated how absurd the progressive, anti-woman cause was and gave me the ability to skewer them regularly. Those magazines shaped my understanding of the way things are and were a lot more informative than a new gross-out way to perform fellatio.
Let your girls exercise their brains. Expose them to intelligent entertainment.
1. Dad, you are her hero. Don’t screw it up
Daughters need a strong man who loves them showing them how much all the time. Dads, you need to date your daughters and win their hearts. If you spend time and lavish affection on your girls, they won’t need to seek outside your love to be validated. If you don’t want your precious girl letting some strange guy rub his genitals on her on the dance floor, then step up and be a father whose daughter knows she is adored. Many fathers think daughters are Mom’s area of expertise. Girls do love shopping and primping with mom, but that doesn’t mean they won’t also love fishing or hunting with you. Perhaps your thing is biking or hiking or playing pool. Sign her up! Whatever you do with your daughter is something she will love and it will give you a chance to build that deep relationship she will want to replicate in her life partner. Be the type of man you want her to have. You are her first love after all. Make sure it’s a healthy relationship or she’s going to be headed toward unhealthy love relationships in the future. Give her your attention freely and positively; don’t make her beg you for negative attention with rebellion and poor choices.
This is especially important as your daughter hits puberty and beyond. Most men want to shy away at this point where she’s becoming a woman as it can all get awkward and a little scary. But that’s when she needs you the most. She needs assurance and approval from the man in her life. If you’re not that man, she will find another one and he won’t love her like you do. It’s crucial to have something that just you and your daughter do together. It will give you opportunities to share your wisdom, give advice, and become someone she can confide in. This close father-daughter relationship does not include allowing your teen to pose nearly nude in a magazine, Billy Ray. A decent father would have punched the photographer for suggesting it. A good father does not stand by and watch someone, or an industry, victimize his child. Fight for your daughters. It’s not going to be easy, but aren’t they worth it?
On a positive note, once old white guys start twerking it’s pretty much over, right?