The 5 Commandments of Being A Jerk
Thanks to pick-up artists who’re convincing men that women love jerks, being a jerk is back in. Of course, maybe we should be pointing the finger at the women who really do like jerks instead of the guys in goggles and top hats who point it out? On the other hand, given that gossip mags do nothing but breathlessly report on celebrities acting like jerks and ordinary jerks are being given their own reality shows left and right to showcase their “jerkiness,” maybe they’re to blame? Could the increase in jerkiliciousness even be just a general degeneration of manners caused by South Park, the Internet & the existence of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?
Whatever the case may be, jerks tend to be a lot more tolerable in theory than in practice. Not only does their personality make them fail, it makes you want to see them fail. Of course, not every jerk is doing it on purpose or is completely irredeemable. Sometimes, you may act like a jerk without realizing it, which is why it should make you a little bit nervous if you sound like this….
5. Arrogance: I can top that!
Forget about having a healthy ego and ante up a little Kanye-West-style bluster. Show off, brag, dominate the conversation, grab the mike to express your displeasure at an awards show because you disagree with the judges’ choice. It’s all about you, after all. These peons you’re talking at? They’re lucky to be standing near someone like you and they need to be made aware of it. Whatever they do, you can do better, and these little people need to know what a big, big man they’re talking to right now!
4. Ingratitude: Thanks….for nothing!
Just because your friend spent eight hours last Saturday helping you move out of your apartment doesn’t mean you’re obliged to spend 30 minutes of your time helping him move a table. Additionally, it was nice of your mother to give you $150 to pay your electric bill, but that’s what mothers do, isn’t it? That doesn’t mean you have to visit her on her birthday! Giving is supposed to be its own reward, right? Additionally, it’s not like you’re writing up a contract that says, “You helped me when I was in a jam; so I owe you something in return,” right? You’re so wonderful that people just give you things and they don’t even expect a little gratitude in return.
3. Cheapskate: I forgot my wallet!
Be that guy who always goes dutch on dates. Let your friends pick up the checks at restaurants. If need be, say you’ll get it next time, which is shorthand for “maybe, someday after I win the lottery.” When there are a group of people chipping in for a meal, make sure to just cover your meal (or close enough) without kicking in any money for the tip. Don’t chip in for the pizza, but always grab a slice. Say thank you for those gifts you get from your parents, your siblings, and your friends, but don’t ever return the favor. Just soak it all in until, when people think of the word “taker,” you’re the first person who comes to mind.
2. Complaining: Are we there yet?
Do the five people you’re with right now realize how hot it is or how long you’ve all been in the car? Do they realize you’re about to stop at an Italian restaurant when you’d have preferred to eat at a Mexican diner 20 miles back? Also, the prices there are a little expensive. Why is it taking the waiter so long to bring you some chips? Why is the salsa so runny? The bathroom in this place isn’t all that clean either. Why do we have to go back to the hot car when it’s so cool in the restaurant? Why did we take this route? Isn’t there one that is faster? Also, it’s great that you invited me along for a free vacation and everything, but wouldn’t skiing have been more fun than going to the beach?
1. Ridicule: It’s funny when I rip on people!
Mock the waiter and cashier at the supermarket for being too slow, make mean jokes about people walking past, taunt the women in your group for having ugly clothes, and accuse the men of being w*ssies. Then, if anyone complains, ask if he has a sense of humor. Can’t he take a little joke? The very fact that a guy pissed and moaned about you ripping on his mama for being ugly is evidence that he’s too sensitive and needs to be needled a little more. That’s how you make yourself look big, by cutting everyone else down to size until you’re the last one left standing!
*****
More from John Hawkins at PJ Lifestyle:
Sadly it took me a very long time to learn it and accept it, but nice guys finish last. Even so, being the nice guy has some benefits.
My father was the nicest guy in the world – and he finished last at everything. His business partner lived like a king (and paid for his kid’s college) while we lived like church mice (and worse) because he wouldn’t be a jerk enough to fight for his fair share of the profits. He was loved, but it was hard on his family.
There’s a difference between standing up for yourself and being a jerk. You don’t have to mistreat the people around you in order to prevent people from taking advantage of you.
Amen to that. My brother is a sterling example. He’ll often go a long way to help people out but only if they show they’re willing to help themselves. He never expects anything in return but as he only helps people of character he tends to do come out way ahead.
That, I submit, is how one “networks” as opposed to schmoozing and brown-nosing. You don’t want to be in league with a lowlife, however superficially advantageous it might seem. Think about all those Friends of Bill who may have profited in the short-term (James McDougal? Webb Hubbell?) but who ended up in the pokey, in exile, or dying mysteriously.
Unfortunately, you have to be abusive to people (peers and subordinates) to get respect now along with kissing-up to people above you.
In my experience, the “nice guys finish last” is one of the things that women appreciate about nice guys.
Doormat, slave, emotional tampon, etc. that they don’t have to pay back with sex because he’s not arousing enough they’d have to give it to him to get his attention first.
But…
Jesus loves him.
And don’t you ever forget it.
You should be proud to know such a man.
#3 – I had a HS friend who made a huge income as a salesman. And would order terribly expensive things for us all, when we all mutually got together for dinner out, but somehow frequently “forgot his wallet.”
Trust me, the rest of us shut that tired practice down, but fast!
You should have asked him how he got to the restaurant without his drivers license or even any money. I never “forget” my wallet and if so go into a panic with my debit and credit cards!
How did it become a practice if you shut it down fast?
I don’t trust you.
Sorry, but I can’t help myself.
I HAVE to use sarcasm in critiquing libtards as crawling through the internet and shaking them by the ears until something sensible pops into their skulls just isn’t a realistic option.
Not to worry, theres a clinical diagnosis and treatment for you should you ever get tired of self imposed defeat. Also, I hear that hypertension, though most aren’t attuned to its origins and reality, is a real life shortner!
Defeats?
We did pretty good in NC. Got a republican governor, got a republican controlled legislature, same as a lot of other states. Yes, we lost the presidency – but it’s giving us a chance to clear out deadwood now.
On the other hand, your guy now abso-frickin-lutely OWNS the economic mess we have and HE is who is getting blamed even now as people get ready for taxe season and start to get their first paychecks in 2013 – all while banging the drums for gun control.
Did they learn nothing from 1994?
Democrats may be an endangererd species come the midterms in 2014.
To paraphrase a comedian I heard once, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor with many many bombs. They were ecstatic over the success of their dropping many many bombs. and were giving each other high fives on the excellent victory they had won.
Then a few years later America dropped a bomb back. It was just one bomb.
But it was a BIG bomb…..
It was so big they now have teeny tiny BLEEEEEP……….
I foresee the democrats getting the same, politically speaking.
That is the reason I did not want to vote for the Mass Mormon. Let the Dems show the world how the US economy takes off on pure government debt. And once the whole thing stalls let the rest of the world see how the manage without a vibrant US economy. Let the jerks within and the jerks without live according to their own theories for a while. Sooner or later the thought will penetrate their minds: you have to work for a living and no one is going to solve your problems but yourself.
Not to split hairs, but it was two bombs
WHY DON’T YOU USE YOUR OWN SCREEN NAME AND LEAVE MINE ALONE — JERK!!
THIS IS THREE TIMES NOW I’VE SEEN YOU POSTING USING MY NAME –JERK!!
silly games childish adults play on here!!
“A small man, with little or no imagination, pushing small ideas and trying to pass them off as transformational changes.”
Unfortunately, others besides you will reap what you have sown.
Mind you, I shall have no pity for you when the shit hits the fan for you.
You will deserve every lick of suffering and hellfire that awaits you.
How much longer are the adults of PJM ownership and associates going to allow this very psychologically disturbed identity thief to carry on? If he’s one of your own, does he have access to my private information such as email, ISP and MAC?
PJM OWNERS AND ADULT ASSOCIATES!!
ROGER SIMON — HOW LONG WILL YOU ACCEPT AND ALLOW THIS KIND OF PYSCHOLOGICALLY ILL PERSON TO OPERATE ON YOUR SITE? HE HAS OBVIOUSLY ARCHIVED ALL MY POSTING AND EXTRACTS SNIPPETS FROM THE TO CONSTRUCT BOGUS COMMENTS NOT TO MENTION DERANGED COMMENTS ON VARIOUS TOPICS, POSING UNDER MY (ASSUMED) ‘REGISTERED’ PJM IDENTITY?
You forgot one, 6 lying to the people that voted for you. “If you like your health care plan, you can keep it.” “Your premiums will go down.” “I won’t raise taxes on people making less the $250k.”
Oh and 7, telling people that they need to sacrifice for the good of the country, then hopping on your jet to fly to Hawaii at tax payer expense.
Subset of #1 Ridicule: Reduce someone else’s viewpoint to a single snarky sentence, and that will “prove” it’s wrong.
Yes, if people are seriously discussing religion and you can pop in with a remark about “your magic sky wizard,” “flying spaghetti monster” or “zombie Jesus,” then you have clearly WON the debate.
No. 5 “Because arguing with stupid people isn’t nearly as much fun”
This reminds me of a quote I recently saw that was attributed to Mark Twain. “Never argue with idiots; they’ll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
cheers
eon
You’re such a jerk, eon.
I see from number 1 that you’ve met my father-in-law.
The biggest problem with jerks: They never see or consider themselves to be jerks. No shortage of this fact on most interactive political bent blog sites where extremists tend to congregate.
You must be a case in point.
D J;
See “EON’s” comment.
WHY DON’T YOU USE YOUR OWN SCREEN NAME AND LEAVE MINE ALONE — JERK!!
THIS IS TWICE NOW I’VE SEEN YOU POSTING USING MY NAME –JERK!!
… that you’ve met here already.
And the one who is angry at the other for using their name to spread Self-Righteous Progressive Hatred of All Things Right & Good should know this …
THIS SITE IS SET UP SO ANYONE CAN CALL THEMSELVES ANYTHING.
IN FACT, THIS SITE IS SET UP TO DRAW IN JERKS, TO DRAW ATTENTION TO ITSELF.
Sorry, Real Zeke, but that’s just how it is.
T
Geesh! You’re more psychologial disturbed than I first imagined! I will assume that you’re an associate of PJM to get away with your silly game as you seem to be able to. Thats okay, as you only discredit PJM and the many legitimate writers! Enjoy yourself before you get institutionalized or locked up as your illnes progresses.
Yeah too bad the GOP hasn’t got the talent for the last one. We might be in a different place right now. In fact in politics? ALL OF THOSE BEHAVIORS YOU CRITICIZE would be really helpful. Obama has them in spades. As well as the left. And look where they are today. So yeah. Ridicule, sarcasm, ingratitude, arrogance, making someone else pick up the tab? Sounds like a left wing strategy to me. ONE THAT WORKS.
Betina, my governor Rick Perry showed how acting like a jerk can increase your political power if you do it right. The trick is quietly let the other side underestimate you and then, BAM!, hit them with a massive jerk gesture. Rick Perry waited until the last day of the legislative session and then vetoed 79 bills just to show he could. The Fathers Day Massacre put everyone on notice that he would use his veto pen. http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/276264/vetoes-rick-perry-katrina-trinko#
Because the Texas legislature only meets every other year, the legislature had to wait 2 years to try to override his vetoes
He proudly makes reference to that grand gesture of jerkiness. While the legislature may not like him, they have no doubt that his veto threats are real.
While you’ve nailed many behaviors of general purpose jerks, the pickup artist experts would not recommend most of these to guys trying to be “jerks” to impress women, at least as you describe them here.
You’re missing some subtle points here.
That stpid hotel room didn’t even have a fridge.
Decades ago, if you were a med school student doing your internship at the local medical center, you could have your pick of women.
These days, being a journalism student, working on your masters is good enough to get you hooked up. But, you might be hooked up with a disease that’ll cut your life in half.
It’s hard to look at the youth of today, and see that they’ll never have much of a life beyond their facebook pages, because their afraid of everything. Their government is educating them in every phobia imaginable, and then some.
And reading some of the comments of supposedly educated individuals, makes me appreciate my age even more.
reminds me of the hypochondriac complaining that he is going to die from liver disease.
The doctor tells him that liver disease produces no symptoms.
The hypochondriac, tells the doctor, exactly, I have no symptoms.
The ne plus ultra of jerkism is Matt Damon.
And the most concise distilation of liberal idiocy is his rant at the NSA interview in Good will Hunting.
There’s a great take on that in, “Good Will Huntings Rant” at:
http://john-moloney.blogspot.com/
Alex;
See Danny Glovers explanation for the 2nd Amendment at “Drudge”. Amazing that these fools die a natural death.
Glover’s a raging idiot and racist. Nice to know there was never war or slavery in Africa or in pre-Columbian America. Race doesn’t matter when it’s convenient but then it does when it suits men like Glover. The human condition is situational I guess.
Ask him why the Deomcrats started the KKK and what party both Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr. belonged-to.
Mr Hawkins, women do not like jerks. We like strong, competent men. Have you ever shaken hands with a man whose hands were so soft and smooth that it gave you the creeps? And manicured nails with clear polish just adds to the creep factor. Call me a narrow-minded bigot, but I believe that men should not have soft, pampered hands. Even rich men with sit-down jobs should do manual labor with their hands. Even if it’s just gardening, woodworking hobbies, or learning how to fix their own cars or boats. Because here a surprising little secret for you: women are turned on by men with hard, calloused hands. In a woman’s mind, that denotes strength and competence. Warrior’s hands, so to speak. If your hands are soft and smooth, a woman will subconsciously wonder if you’re weak or gay. Or both.
You live in Lake Wobegon?
“Where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.” – Garrison Keillor.
I dunno. Most guys who do these things have been wearing work gloves now for several generations.
I disagree. I’ve never met a working man who wore gloves, be he a mechanic, a plumber, or even the kid from down the street who mows lawns because he’s too young to get a job.
Confucius says “Man with very callused hand has no need of woman.”
My wife thinks so.
And hate your country because its not perfect, never was perfect, and never will be perfect as nothing on earth can be perfect. Call everyone racist because you can’t read or write nor speak properly, but you dropped out of high school, sit out on the porch all day long and make babies with five different women. Get that really big chip on your shoulder. And play the knock out game. You know for fun & games its really, really cool to beat up unknown people. And always scream racist, homophobe, or xenophobe. Take no responsbility for yourself, but always blame whitey. Why because the community organizer (actually a communist agitator) trains you to do so.
You’re speaking of those who were into that sort of crap long before Obama came along; he has merely turned into a brand, a very popular one at that.
…turned it into…
WTF? PattyMor, I lost your train of thought after the very first sentence. You really need to learn how to articulate. It doesn’t matter if you dropped out of high school. There’s a whole college education at your local library, and it’s free.
Your articulation on what women want gave me my best laugh for the day! STFU, you stupid cow.
Now, girls. Girls! Let’s not have any of that please!
Mooo! Nothing like having a good giggle from getting under some illiterate poster’s skin.
I’ll tell you what being a jerk is because I knew one for 30 years before I realized he was one. Him and his wife hit the lotto jackpot big two years ago for over $90M. Before Jan. 2010 we would visit – regularly play golf together – drink – and have BS sessions on a regular basis. Family get togethers where both families mingle and have a good time. Now? Nothing. That is the height of being a jerk. All I ever expected from him and his wife after they hit it big was their continuing friendship – I wonder what his ‘new’ friends expect from him? I wasn’t the only one who felt like they were in fear of being hit up for money every time I saw them. Shame on them! They should have known better but now its too late – the well has been poisoned. Crap on me enough and I get the hint! It is unfortunate but they’ve turned their back on all their old friends. I guess money is it’s own reward. Who needs real friends?
The last time I was at their home it was an ‘invite’ to the entire golf community of which I’m a part. There were people there that would have nothing to do with them prior to that jackpot. They would not have been given the time of day from those snub artists. Now? BFF’s. At least I know where I stand now. Too bad that wasn’t made clear 30 years ago eh?
And if you’re reading this Jim – you know who you are! And who I am. And if you want to hear more just ask me – to my face.
If you have to tell people you’re the most interesting man in the world, you’re not.
You’d think so, but if you *are* the most interesting man in the world the rules are (apparently) different for you.
One has to appreciate the finer points of jerks. Jerks who cannot control their jerkiness pay the price. Nobody puts up with them. Of course even a poor jerk might find an individual masochist willing to indulge him. Female jerks can get away with it if they’re real cute and purty…for a while.
Highly-placed jerks are very careful about whom they victimize. They never, ever put a foot wrong with people who can hurt them and they never let the level of their jerkiness rise above the level of what their power and position allow them to get away with.
The entertainment industry and politics are famous for jerks. A classic example would be Sean Penn. Early in his career he was considered a “sweet kid” then in the late eighties when he got big he turned into an obnoxious, drunken brawler. It didn’t take too long before he became a national laughing-stock. He finally had to do a stint in the L.A. county jail and Lord only knows what professional opportunities he blew. He apparently learned his lesson and straightened out (politics aside, of course). He is now considered a respected actor and director. Showbiz history is full of stars who turned into divas as soon as they had enough juice.
Remember the “Queen of Nice”? Well, eventually Rosie took HER mask off. Her show tanked as a result. She hardly wound up on the street as a result but I feel for the poor schmucks who worked on her show.
Same deal with pollyticks. No need to name names here. The list is long with heavy-hitters notorious for backstage misbehavior who lost their careers or saw them attenuated because they thought the rules no longer applied to them. Of course, there are a handful who DID get away with murder but even then, those who would emulate them tend to forget just how close-run things got.
Luke 3:11 John The Baptist says: “If you have two coats give one away.”
“The more basic death has to be a death to the Reaganite creed on whose coattails the religious right rose to power. Christians have the opportunity to construct a genuinely evangelical public philosophy, a public philosophy and practice that is not an ill-fitting addendum to the gospel but arises from the gospel.
What might this look like?
Economically, we need to uncouple Christian economic values from Reaganism. Free trade and free markets are goods, but they aren’t the only goods. Capitalism does produce injustices and inequities. It does have its cultural contradictions, and Christians won’t have a fully Christian public philosophy until we have reckoned with the inner tensions between advocacy of the market and, say, support for traditional families.”
Peter Leithart
John the Baptist had the eyes to see how Heaven comes down to the earth.”The Kingdom of God is near”
Jesus after open the door to the river of the Kingdom of heaven. He say: “If someone demands your outer coat give him your underwear as well”
The strong holds of the Demons must flee with such a turning the world upside down and heaven comes down to the earth. Because THE ETERNAL God already considers the human being standing before you in heaven. Thus what great power in the hands of the spiritual warrior to make the demons flee by such sacrifice and the army of angels come and slaughter the fleeing demons destroying their strong holds yet the war is not over
The spiritual warrior human being gains so much power God may use him as God use the great angels to slaughter the demons as warrior is free from sin. and two swords in his hand he leaps into the secret hide outs of the demons and great fear breaks out among the demons as they get no rest
However demons have many many tricks in their black bag and as you become like Samson you will get to see the great great beauty of Deliah and know first hand why Samson lost
However, God demands Great spiritual warrior tame Deliah as well. This is why it is wise to to leap into places angels fear to tread because God may expect more from you than even the great mighty angels
Take your time keep blindness by your side sleep sleep sleep until God calls you and then trains you to bring heaven down to earth
You have to be too young to remember Reagan.
“Reaganism” was not about “capitalist greed” but freedom. Charity was greater in the Reagan years than today in this Obama era. The greedy bastards who go real rich during that era, btw, Buffet, Gates, Jobs, were Democrats.
If you really want to after economic greed go after public unions.
i support Ronald Reagan and then the Berlin Wall fall and that was it.I support Bush kicked out of my group for doing so then 2007 came and that was it.
I may weep along with the rest of the merchants when Babylon falls but I can see the True God saying to me : STOP WEEPING
Why you may ask?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTnspbSjKVc
True to your moniker; Riding the thermals like a vulture.
Here I am. You can attract me to your back yard as one of the great blessings for your eyes to feast on
http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Cedar_Waxwing/id
Contrary to leftist belief, Ronald Reagan was NOT a tool of the “Christian Right”.
He was a friend to them and shared many of their values, but his first message to them upon taking office was “this is not “your” administration”.
And just try to keep in mind, if you have enough room left in there, that John’s advice is to INDIVIDUALS as to what to do with their OWN resources. Not as a mandate for government or charity advocates to lobby government to disburse other people’s money.
Charity is not charity if it is forced. Charity withers and dies under socialist systems. The spirit becomes “I gave at the office (with my taxes)”.
D’accord, I am not the most important man in the world. Just the second most important! What does that make me?
Would yawning in a jerk’s face and saying you bore me work?
Garlic breath and really concentrated, well-aimed flatulence works too.
Cut to the chase: Hawkins is not getting laid and it’s frustrating him.
The jerk store called and they’re running out of YOU!
Gotta argue on the sarcasm. Having a good command of sarcasm is the mental equivalent of being able to bench 400 pounds. I’ve found that the people who most dislike it are the idiots who make a lot statements for which they have no intelligent arguments.
Some people overuse or misuse sarcasm, but then the best response is to hit them back with wittier sarcasm. It is both offensive and defensive. No, sarcasm is a wonderful thing. And if you’re a person who thinks that sarcasm is mean and gets offended by it, perhaps you should reflect upon why you are receiving it. Just maybe you really are saying stupid things.
Tom T, my imaginary hat is off to you. You have won the Most Intelligent Comment On This Thread Award. And that is NOT sarcasm.