3 Top Qualities of a Good Girlfriend?
June 23rd, 2012 - 1:24 pm
Chateau Heartsie A.K.A. Roissy, has an interesting post up on the 3 top qualities that a good girlfriend would possess. Although I take issue with the way he insults women who are overweight, or calls women “foul sluts,” he does make some points worth considering. Here are his 3 qualities, in no particular order of importance:
1. She exercised and ate healthily before she met you, and she continues to do so after you start dating her seriously.
2. She rarely disparages her girl friends or snipes about their flaws behind their backs.
3. She has not had many past lovers, and she is not a constitutional flirt who will invite the temptation of more lovers.
Important qualities or not? What do you think?
My experience with “not too many past lovers” has never been good. I could rather hope for a woman who eats what she damn pleases all the time and still stays relatively slender and healthy, as I rather lust for that gene and could hope our potential children would get it. And if she doesn’t like snipping about people behind their backs she’s never going to like my sense of humor.
Nah.
Three qualities of a good girlfriend? Honesty, loyalty, and responsibility. In one word, accountability. If you happen to come across a woman like that, you’re blessed. But it goes without saying that you better be a man to attract her attention and earn her devotion.
The distinction between your standard and Chateau Heartsie A.K.A. Roissy’s seems to be that you advocate finding a woman of good character that you can attract and he is advocating finding a woman with a character that will please him.
Experience tells me that your chances of success and happiness are much greater than his.
Well put, as is the comment (suthenboy) directly below.
‘as is the comment directly above’
I would agree with something close to number one–she should have a respect for her own body, and this includes no tattoos or body piercings. Maybe there are about 4 or 5 women left like this amongst those under 60 years old.
Number 2 and number 3 are more important than some guys think, and they can be related. Women who don’t get along well with other women usually are trouble for guys too. In my experience they crave male attention way too much, and that means the attention of more than one guy. Its very worthwhile for the guy to observe how the woman interacts with all others, male and female.
My top qualities–it was hard to stick to three–are:
1. kindness
2. faithfulness
3. a respect for the guy’s qualities–this includes not trying to change his core beliefs and personality, assuming he is a decent guy
4. healthy personal habits, similar to Roissy’s number 1
But then, I’m divorced, so what do I know?
By “body piercings,” I mean piercings in places other than the ear-lobe.
Most of the women I know (in the age range of mid 20s to 30s) don’t have tattoos or body piercings.Maybe you should stop trying to pick up chicks in sleazy clubs.
All I know is I’ve never met the right one. It’s still fun looking around, though.
Agree with all 3 as well as with the no tattoos or body piercings except for the ear-lobe suggestion made by Egil above, though it is left unsaid I would also include a baseline level of attractiveness (with a man’s subjective physical ideal or traits of said ideal being classified as a bonus / bonuses) as well as good character traits.
Problem is that here in the UK (along with the rest of the western world), it seems that finding a woman around my age (20s-30s) who possesses those 3 qualities, does not have no tattoos or body piercings (e.g. lip, nose, tongue, etc) and is not a “high-miler” (a term we in the UK use to refer to a car that has accumulated a lot of mileage which lowers the car’s value come selling time, but used here in the context of a woman having countless past lovers or been used by a lot of guys) is practically impossible, one is more likely to find “born-again virgins” than high quality women and even then society still expects men to compromise on their modest standards.
TBH, nowadays there really is no rational reason for a man to subject himself to secular marriage / relationships / cohabitation, while religious marriage although much better than the former is also becoming increasingly difficult to justify.
Would rather not face the prospect of beta providing a woman’s children that she bore with another man / other men, time is a precious commodity that one is supposed to invest wisely in, preferably with a kids or two + that shares half my DNA and I’d rather not waste 20+ years of my life investing in other men’s spawn that I have no responsibility towards in raising.
I’ve maintained a policy that if she’s cheating on her current boyfriend/husband with me, she’s not a keeper. I am under no delusion I somehow would inspire faithfulness.
“If she’s cheating on her current husband/boyfriend with me”… WTF?
If she is cheating on her husband, and you knew about it up front, then YOU’RE a sack o’ crap yourself, and have no business passing judgement on another sack o’ crap, no matter how much game you may have.
How about morality, character, and a work ethic.I am a firm believer ,that the reason our nation is faltering, is because of the compromised morals of women in our society. Women set the standard. Period. And today they are setting that standard, extremely low.
I have a 25 year old son. He is handsome, strong, has a great sense of humor, and is financially successful. Since his youth, he has wanted a woman, that he can persue, and win. The women out there today, throw themselves at him. He has literally had, Christian, married ,women, send him naked texts, and show up at his house, at night, offering themselves.
Good men want a woman, they can love, trust, and respect. They are like a treasure. Hard to find nowadays. We need women, who demand a higher standard in the men who love them. If women want to be treated as precious, they have to act like they are precious!
You’re exactly right, Keaton. Females do set their standards terribly low these days, and huge numbers of males–I won’t call them men–are more than willing to live down to those standards. Both sexes are responsible for this terrible state of affairs.
In reply to Wayne, yes, sadly here in the USA it is hard to find women who are not high-milers also. A few have learned their lessons, but many haven’t, both male and female. My strategy after my divorce is to get involved in activities through church and my various interests. If a good woman comes along, that’s great. If not, I’ll try to live a full, productive and moral life as an old geezer bachelor. There are worse things than being single. Its a terrible shame, though, that the men and women who do want to find a good person have to struggle so much against the prevailing culture.
Egil
If most (but not all) modern women embrace Hypergamy (constantly looking to marry up / upgrade) and Serial Monogamy (or Rotating Polyandry) then how can they also be setting their standards too low? I would argue just the opposite unless you and Keaton are referring to the “Alphas” amongst the Omegas (i.e. evil men, criminal / deviant thugs or PUAs in general) as well as true Alphas.
I agree that women set the standard though would argue that it is set too unrealistically to begin with to the point where normal men on the same wage as women are seen as competitors rather than prospective partners, with normal women then setting their sights on the top 10-20% of men otherwise known as Prince Charming / Mr Big territory (and there are only so many men of that standard to go around).
Hi Wayne. Mostly what I meant by standards is moral standards–what a lot of people today don’t seem to focus on or value, including, amazingly, in a mate. Materialistic standards, well, that’s a whole different issue.
Loves God
Loves herself
Loves me
Yup.
Indeed.
Trey
Wow. All over the place.
For me:
#1. Intelligence
#2. Playfulness
#3. Maturity
These are not ranked, they must all be present for a woman to be worth the time and effort to form a relationship. She should also expect me to have those same qualities. Fair is fair.
For me, responsibility is first and foremost: responsibility for her own health and appearance (including, but not limited to, having her weight under control, not having tattoos, and not having body parts pierced except for ear lobes), financial responsibility, and, in general, taking responsibility for her own life, which includes not hating men.
Respecting my interests, which are not the interests of most Americans (they include chamber music, mythology, neuroscience, bicycling, and the novels and stories of P.G. Wodehouse) is a must. Sharing them would be even better. Intellectual curiosity, which I think is a characteristic of anybody truly educated, is better yet.
I also find a nice voice to be very attractive.
I agree, Ern, with the need to find someone who respects your interests. In my case, they don’t have to share all my interests, but respect is important.
Once on a date, the woman got in my car and was looking through my music CD’s. When she saw that I had some classical CD’s and one of Russian folk music, she said something to the effect that I was a weirdo. That relationship didn’t work out too well.
I’m with you, Egil. Sharing my interests would be nice, but not absolutely essential. Respecting my interests is essential. It’s no fun at all to be asked “How can you listen to something so boring?”, as if I would ever choose to listen to something boring; my response generally has been along the lines of “I find it equally inexplicable that you listen to (fill in the blank).”
It can be truly wonderful when you introduce a woman to one of your interests and she likes it, though. Some years back, I asked a woman whom I was seeing whether she would like to attend a performance of Donizetti’s opera Lucia di Lamermoor. She wasn’t sure that she’d like it, so I explained to her that she could decide at the end of the first act whether we were staying, and that it would be okay with me if she wanted to leave. At the end of the first act, she turned to me and said “THIS. IS. GOOD.” Unfortunately, shortly after that she wound up working two jobs and didn’t have any time for me or anybody else, but it was a great moment.
Interesting, Ern. Thanks for your comments.
And its good to know that there are fellow Wodehouse and classical music fans out there!
Hell, how about one who doesn’t think her stuff is her stuff and my stuff is her stuff?
I have no body piercings or tats. I pursue an active lifestyle (through actual work, not going to a gym that I can’t afford). I am one hundred percent loyal to my man, both sexually and in every other way. Though over 50, my husband still finds me attractive (and vice versa).
I’m not on the “meet market”. But if you want to find someone like me (or indeed a younger version of me, if you are under 50), you had better be the antithesis of the pick-up artist that is glorified on Roissy’s site. That site is all about the sin of pride. I chose my husband because of his CHARACTER. That’s what you need to have if you want a good woman.
Check out the Orthodox Christian Church, and live your life dedicated to our Lord and Savior. If you need a mate, pray that the Lord will introduce you to the right woman for you.
“…CHARACTER. That’s what you need to have if you want a good woman.”
That’s certainly true, 1389AD. Guys can complain all they want, but if they don’t have good character, and don’t have faith in God, it won’t work out in the long run. And, it seems to me that for a lot of successful couples, it still takes continual effort by both the man and the woman to be selfless enough for the relationship to work.
Of course, having a good character is still no guarantee that a man will ever find a good woman. It might seem like cold comfort, but people can live a great life even if they never do find the right mate. I had a great aunt who lost the love of her life as a very young woman. She never married, and, not surprisingly for her time period she never “cohabited,” yet she was one of the better people whom I’ve known. She became very widely read and traveled a lot, and, especially importantly, dedicated a lot of her time to serving others. She was a joy to be around, and one could tell that she loved life.
“(or indeed a younger version of me, if you are under 50)”
there’s the rub, right? Are there any younger versions of you? I doubt it, nowadays. If you haven’t been in the dating scene for a while, you’ll not realize that it’s changed quite a bit from what you saw in the 80s and were raised on in the 70s. Welcome to the machine.
The qualities that Roissy mentions are behaviors that indicate self-respect and sound character, as several of the commenters have mentioned.
After reading his article, though, I’m not sure he would recognize that.
“1. She exercised and ate healthily before she met you, and she continues to do so after you start dating her seriously.”
That only works if the man likes to eat ‘healthy’(and can agree on what that means to both of you…), there are plenty of guys out there who don’t and who are getting nagged for being fat and unfit and starved on tofu rations. Be careful what you wish for…
“2. She rarely disparages her girl friends or snipes about their flaws behind their backs.”
What about her male friends? I think the above rule of ‘don’t hang out with bullies’ goes for anyone of any gender really.
“3. She has not had many past lovers, and she is not a constitutional flirt who will invite the temptation of more lovers.”
It’s not the number of lovers that’s important, but the number of relationships, how long they were and how they broke up that tells you what you want to know about them.
And in general, if your partner still appears to be looking after they found you, it’s time to wish them ‘Godspeed’.
I look forward to Mr. Roissy’s next column, I hear it’ll be all about the preparation of decorative eggs for painting… :>
“What about her male friends?”
Huge red flag if she has them.
I’m only partially joking.
Women with a lot of male friends are not held in high esteem. Works the same with the genders swapped. A man with a lot of female friends is assumed to be a worm secretly pining for romance.
“A man with a lot of female friends is assumed to be a worm secretly pining for romance.”
Or gay.
It’s the number of lovers which counts, not the number of relationships. A girl with past of a lot of casual sex should be avoided at all cost.
What turned out to be most important to me in the end is honesty and taking responsibility for her own behavior.
Too many women are completely dishonest about what they want and where you stand with them, but they take no ownership of the results. They say “nothing’s wrong” and then get angry if you take them at their word, they pretend to like you when they don’t and decide you’re a creep if you keep giving them attention, etc. But at the same time, if you realize they’re lying and treat them as dishonest – or even just try to discuss the matter straightforwardly – they blow a gasket over that as well. So I’m not allowed to believe them or disbelieve them. They think they’re entitled to suffer no negative consequences whatsoever for their behavior, and if they do somehow that makes ME a monster.
The last girl I ever dated was one who asked me out for coffee, then gave me the runaround instead of just telling me when she decided she didn’t want to see me anymore. By that point it didn’t take much for me to figure out what she was doing, but the fact that I had to figure it out for myself was the last straw. I realized that if even a girl who was straightforward enough to ask me out first would jerk me around about something I needed to know, then the percentage of women who met my standards of honesty had to be extremely small. It didn’t seem worth it to try and sort through all the liars to try and find the good ones.
That was years ago. I haven’t asked a woman out since.
It’s a few years since I’ve shopped for a girlfriend, but here are the three top qualities I looked for when searching for the one who became my wife. I learned these thru harsh experience with other women.
1) Does not use me as the butt of jokes, put me down, or otherwise insult me. Period, this is an immediate deal-breaker.
2) Is not jealous. I don’t cheat, I don’t give her any reason to suspect me of cheating, so don’t accuse me of doing so.
3) Doesn’t try to make me jealous and gets made when I don’t. I don’t get jealous. You’re a grown woman, if you decide you’d rather be with that guy who flirted with you on the bus than me, you’ll do so. My acting like an ass is unlikely to change that.
For you people inappropriately shoving your religion in others’ faces above, isn’t the divorce rate for hard-core Christians actually higher than average?
Are you going to find a way to claim that the ones who divorce aren’t REALLY Christians in some way? No true Christian woman would file for divorce, ergo they can’t have been Christian?
“For you people inappropriately shoving your religion in others’ faces above, isn’t the divorce rate for hard-core Christians actually higher than average?”
Shoving? Really?
I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
Trey
1) Trustworthy
2) Kind
3) Communicator
4) Lovemaking
After some years of hard earned experience my top ten requirements list is in order:
1.Not crazy
2.Not crazy
3.Not crazy
4.Not crazy
5.Not crazy
6.Good character
7.Kind
8.Intelligent
9.Big tits
10.Not crazy