It's time for your much-needed break from the serious news, and this week, we'll learn just how easy it is to get caught stealing your second school bus, where not to pump your diesel, and what it's like to be number two in Michigan.
Let us begin as we always do with...
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Florida Man stole school bus, drove it around for a 'whole day'
Florida Man spent Wednesday like so many of us do, breaking into the Little Angels Bus Service lot, stealing a school bus, and then sort of casually driving it around for the day.
Police in an unmarked car spotted him and followed the bus around until a cop in a marked car tried to pull him over. Florida Man, you'll be shocked to read, did not pull over. He did, however, manage to drive the bus into a dead end.
Ever tried to make an eleventy-point turn to back a school bus out of a dead-end street?
I guess that's where he abandoned the bus, because police didn't arrest him until the next day.
At first, Florida Man told police that a man “told him to steal the bus or he would kill his family," so kind of like Speed but for total retards. Eventually, he told the cops that he stole the bus because "he thought he could get away with it."
"Oh, that's OK then" is exactly what the police didn't say.
The best part? Police knew exactly who to arrest because "Staff at the company told deputies that they knew Florida Man because he stole a bus from them before."
Florida Man knows what he likes.
As always, one point is awarded in each category except when I say so.
SCORE: Police Chase, You Fled on THAT?, Recidivism, Stolen School Bus (New!), Criminal Mastermind, Likely Story, Way to Take the L, Dillhole, Glamor Mugshot. (9)
TOTAL: 9 FMF Points.
How (Not) to Beat the High Cost of Living
Florida Man accused of using magnet to steal 122 gallons of diesel
I don't know what it is with headline writers sometimes, but the magnet is not the detail that readers need to know about first.
Although it was pretty slick that Florida Man used a magnetic device to trick a gas pump into continuing to dispense diesel long after it hit the $20 he had actually pre-paid.
So here's the part the headline writer should have told you about:
Police said the display on the pump showed $20, but gas was still flowing into what investigators described as a "ridiculously large, self-made tank" tethered to the bed of his truck. The arrest report noted that the container appeared to be welded together with rusted steel plates.
Yeah, don't make any sudden moves and don't even think about having a smoke. Police called it a "gas bomb on wheels," and you can always insert your own taco truck joke here.
"Just last month," the report added, Florida Man "was accused of stealing about $950 worth of fuel, all of which went into a makeshift tank."
All Florida Man had to say leaving the Broward County Jail was, "Don't shoot video of my face."
His face made the evening news.
SCORE: Recidivism, Vehicular Madness, Entrepreneurship, Hold My Beer, Dillhole, and a Demerit to CBS News for not telling us how he got caught. (6)
RUNNING TOTAL: 15 FMF Points.
Exclusively for our VIPs: Slipping Off America's Leash
All in the Family
It's a Beautiful Day for a Morning Briefing
Once again, here's where I sit back and let Sheriff Grady Judd do his thing.
SCORE: Burned by Grady, Hide & Seek, Outstanding Warrant(s), Likely Story, Domestic Bliss, Should Have Taken the L, Glamor Mugshot (times two!). (8)
RUNNING TOTAL: 23 FMF Points
Bonus Florida Headline: Florida Woman with 219 felony charges wanted for defrauding employer out of $20K
She just needs a 220th chance.
Maybe Zhe Didn't Know That Was Wrong
Florida Woman Arrested for Using Vehicle to Hit Ex-Girlfriend’s Boyfriend
You know what I hate?
You know how sometimes you go to your ex-girlfriend's place to drop off some of her stuff and the only reason she's your ex is she's seeing a man now but who does the lesbian think she's kidding so anyway you see her boyfriend there and you get all riled up and start shouting mean stuff at him and you're so mad that you just floor it and drive off when what you really want to do is run over that guy because seriously who does she think she kidding with that straight act so you pull a u-turn and almost run him over but all you manage to hit is his hand because he jumped out of the way pretty quick and when you're looking back to see if you hurt him badly enough you smash into a parked car which is when you realize you'd better get out of there but the cops find you anyway and take you in and you're all like "I didn't hit anybody with my car" and the cops are all like "we got all these witnesses who said you did" and you're all like "well I didn't hit another car" and the cops are all like "then why did your bumper fall off" and you're all like "they just do that sometimes" but they charge you with attempted murder and other stuff anyway when all you wanted to do was drop off your ex's stuff and who does she think she's fooling anyway?
Don't you hate that, too?
SCORE: Fleeing the Scene, Recidivism, Vehicular Madness, Weapon (Preferably Unusual), Likely Story, Hold My Beer, Domestic Bliss, Face/Neck Tattoos, Glamor Mugshot. (9)
RUNNING TOTAL: 32 FMF Points.
Not All Heroes Wear Capes
Absolute crazy scene out of my local Walmart in Oldsmar, Florida. Carbon monoxide levels were unsafe this AM and the store had to be evacuated. And Florida being Florida they are using airboats to ventilate the store. https://t.co/v9AjBoFdAj
— Mike's Weather Page (@tropicalupdate) November 11, 2026
Take two minutes to watch the whole video, which one X user said was "way better than what WFLA reported," and I don't doubt it.
So cool.
SCORE: The usual three bonus points for Sheer Awesomeness, Redneck Ingenuity (New! And some of the highest praise I can offer), Caught on Video, Went Viral, Walmart/Target/Dollar General. (7)
RUNNING TOTAL: 39 FMF Points.
Previously on Florida Man Friday: Ma'am, Your 'Aura' Smells Like Miller Lite and Cheap Tequila
So How Did Florida Man Do This Week?
Five scored stories with a total of 39 points for a respectable average of 7.8.
Meanwhile, in Michigan...
The parent of a Bedford High School student is accused of defecating in a Grosse Pointe South High School hallway. This comes after Bedford came number two in a football game. https://t.co/QcahrWuIAB https://t.co/xsNvaGZy1p
— FOX 2 Detroit (@FOX2News) November 10, 2026
I'd like to thank whoever at Fox 2 Detroit was responsible for working "number two" into the headline.
A story like that can mean only one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next exciting episode of...
