Embattled Virginia Democrat gubernatorial candidate Abigail Spanberger is in full damage control mode following last week's deeply weird and awful debate performance against GOP rival Winsome Earle-Sears — but as it turns out, she's deeply weird and bad at that, too.
Spanberger appeared on Harrisburg, Va.'s WHSV-TV News over the weekend, and spent nearly three dodging, weaving, cringeworthy minutes not answering this straightforward question: "What do you make of Earle-Sears's claim that you're fine with 'Putting men in girls' locker rooms'?"
The answer she gave... you honestly won't believe it.
"The reality is that the federal government has the ability to change the letter of the law through Congress," which is Spanberger's way of saying that so long as there's an inch of wiggle room in Title IX, she'll shove male predators through it.
"Right now what we are seeing is there are differences between what is the law of the land under Title IX and what are executive orders put out by the White House," even though the Biden administration reinterpreted Title IX by executive fiat to mean something it had never meant in six decades.
"In circumstances where there are [sic] conflicting evidence," Spanberger went on (and on), "or conflicting interpretations, the reality is the federal government has to be clear in what is the real guidance available to our schools at it relates to use of locker rooms."
This is the kind of answer Kamala Harris would give when she was taken by surprise, if she had maybe 15 more IQ points. And that's as close as I'll ever come to complimenting Spanberger.
Anyway, the would-be governor continued along those lines for a bit longer before pivoting to funding cuts that seem to be related to the Schumer Shutdown. Or maybe to the voices in her head. Honestly, I mostly lost track when she veered off the track like a race car driven by spider monkeys: "The president [doesn't have] the ability to just pull back funding. And it isn't just to these public schools. It is to our research institutes. This is for cancer research. It is for funding to conservation programs under USDA that are vital, vital, vital to so many farmers and producers who employ rotational grazing practices..."
She went on. And on.
Did you get that? If this 58-year-old creeper...
...isn't allowed in the teenage girls' locker room, farmers will forget their rotational grazing practices, and I guess we'll all die.
Spanberger never did answer the question, BTW. She'd rather talk about literally anything than sickos in the girls' room, so I'm forced to assume their internal polls look like Hans Gruber taking a dive off the 30th floor of the Nakatomi Plaza.
If you watch the clip, you'll see a candidate who would be in panic if she weren't a total sociopath incapable of basic human emotion.
This is painful. The debate clips and new polling must really be getting to them. pic.twitter.com/d2HhB4oz5Y
— Glen Sturtevant (@GlenSturtevant) October 12, 2025
Let me take that painful three-minute clip and cut it down to one sentence for you: "As governor, I'll do whatever the hell I want — and that's some pretty sick stuff, if I'm being honest, which usually I'm congenitally opposed to — unless and until Congress passes a law specifically stating, 'Abby, cut it out.' And even then I'll resist."
Was that still TL;DR? I'll cut Spanberger's answer down to its barest essence: "TRUMP BAD."
Here's the thing, though. For federal-worker-heavy northern Virginia, "TRUMP BAD" is a winning and motivating message. Earle-Sears is waging a come-from-behind campaign, and she's waged it well in recent weeks — despite a depressingly serious lack of support from the GOP establishment.
For all her stumbles and apparent sociopathy, Spanberger for now remains the favorite.
If you're a Virginia voter, please take this one seriously — and take a friend or three to vote with you.
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