Eat, Drink, and be Perfect

I’ll rerun this holiday classic every year until they stop doing Thanksgiving — which seems likelier ever year, doesn’t it?

The Perfect Post-Thanksgiving Turkey Club

You’ll need:

Leftover turkey. White meat, dark meat — it’s all good.
Bacon. And lots of it.
Bread. Whole wheat.
Lettuce. Romaine.
Tomatoes. Sliced and deseeded.
Mustard. Gulden’s.
Mayonnaise. Real. If it comes out of a squeezy jar, it ain’t real.
Salt & pepper

The trick to making a perfect sandwich is in the layering. Also, if you’re piling it up tall, don’t toast the bread — you’ll need something you can grip. If not, lightly toasted is very nice.

Now then: The layers.

I live at a shade under 7,500 feet above sea level. So I have to move fast, take the bread out last, and spread on the mustard and mayo right away to help keep it moist. If you do, too, get all your mise on, then get your bread.

On the lefthand slice, spread on the mayo. On the right, the mustard.

Continue piling everything else on the mayo side, in this order:

Lettuce.
Tomato slices.
Season the tomato right now with a little salt and too much pepper.
Bacon. No fewer than four slices, if you know what’s good for you.
Turkey.
Now add the mustard slice on top — mustard down, please — to complete it.

Nom nom nom.

You want your B and L and T all together, because they make a classic combo. And you want them on the mayo side, because that’s classic, too. And you need the lettuce in-between the tomato and the bread, to keep the bread from getting soaked as you squeeze that bad boy down to fit in your mouth. (I know, I know — can’t let the bread get too dry, can’t let the bread get too wet. I’m picky. But there’s a reason we call this sandwich “perfect.”)

The turkey and the bacon go great together, too, so you want them right next to one another. And turkey and Gulden’s together? Heavenly. Lastly, and for reasons I cannot fathom, the sandwich works best with the veggies on the bottom and the meats on top — so don’t be a damn fool and eat it upside-down. There’s a right way and a wrong way to eat perfection. And that’s meats up/veggies down, and just because I can’t explain why doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

Enjoy.