When Black Friday Comes...

...I'll stay inside my house.

That's why there's internet shopping -- so nobody who doesn't want to partake in the shopping madness can spend the day on the sofa, tapping away at Amazon. Sometimes, he might have to get up to help his wife put Christmas decorations up in one of the high places. At night, they'll snuggle up with wine and munchies on the sofa to watch the greatest holiday movie of all time: Die Hard.

Or at least that's what I've heard.