For Those Who Missed Letterman

Here is last night’s Top Ten.

Top Ten Mike Tyson Excuses

10. Thought it was best-of-seven like the NBA finals

9. The referee was clearly biased in favor of the guy who wasn’t all bloody

8. “How am I supposed to beat up some dude from outer space?”

7. NPR’s piece on boxing made him think twice about morality of his sport

6. Was confused — showed up expecting to fight Jerry Lewis

5. Was eager to see if extra-strength Excedrin really does relieve headache pain quicker than the leading brand

4. Let the Brit win in honor of Queen Elizabeth’s 50 great years on the throne

3. Has been too focused lately on World Cup soccer to train

2. He was an emotional wreck after seeing “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”

1. Couldn’t get mouth piece out quickly enough to bite him