How Can They Fix a

How Can They Fix a Game in a Straightlaced Town Like New Orleans?
Headline from Sarge Stryker: “Patriots Win Super Bowl; Physicists Re-examine Nature of Universe”

We can do lots of those, Sarge.

Pats Win, Lucifer Waxing Skis
God Declares Ram “Pagan Symbol,” Smites Team
Warner Throws Interceptions, Game

Anyone want to add some more? You’ve got my email.