Woke Robber Returns to Deliver Stern Lecture and Threatens to Call Police ... On His Victim

A self righteous car thief was so outraged by what he found in the back seat of the Honda Pilot that he’d just stolen that he came back to give the victim a stern lecture. Furthermore, he told the victim, a young woman, that if she didn’t straighten up and fly right he was going to call the cops on her. In fact, he had half a mind to do that right then.

If that sounds alien to you, and you think that the person who should be calling the police in this scenario is the theft victim, please disabuse yourself of this right now.

This man is “decent,” according to the cops in this Portland, Oregon suburb. The would-be kidnapper may avoid this rap when-or-if the Beaverton police find him because he came back to the scene of the crime. But he didn’t just say he was sorry and act remorsefully for breaking all kinds of laws and several commandments. Oh, no.

The Beaverton Police spokesman told The Oregonian that the unknown thief, dressed in brown braids and a woke rainbow face mask, didn’t deliver the woman’s vehicle back. He ordered her to take her child out of the back and then he delivered a scolding.

“He actually lectured the mother for leaving the child in the car and threatened to call the police on her,” said Officer Matt Henderson, a Beaverton police spokesman.

[…] “He orders her to take the kid out of the car, and she does,” Henderson said.

Then he proceeded to drive off in the stolen car.

“Obviously, we’re thankful he brought the little one back and had the decency to do that,” Henderson said.

[…] The mother parked just outside the store’s front door and went inside to buy a gallon of milk and some meat, Henderson said. She was never more than 15 feet from the car, but she made a critical error.
She left the engine running and the doors unlocked.

“What she did was not a crime. She was within sight and sound of her child,” Henderson said. “But she left the car running, so take that extra step, take the keys with you. It’s a good reminder to take extra precaution when we have our little ones with us.”

Police call the 9 AM robbery outside the meat store a crime of opportunity.

The mother, who likely is being raked over the coals for leaving her little boy in the car, will use this opportunity to vow never to do this again.

But we’re sure Mr. Wokey McWokefacemask will do this again.

“Obviously, we’re thankful he brought the little one back and had the decency to do that,” Henderson said.

Welcome to short bus jurisprudence, where everybody gets a trophy, even the guy who stole the car with a kid in the back.

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