The PJ Tatler

Online Petition: 'Please Free Jeb Bush from the Republican Primaries'

The Daily Show has launched an online petition to “release Jeb Bush” from the former Florida governor’s “cruel presidential campaign.”

Host Trevor Noah this week compared Jeb’s campaign captivity to the killer whales at Sea World.

“At first glance the whales look like they’re having fun in these environments, but if you look closely, their suffering is apparent. And recently, I realized that Republicans have their own Blackfish. His name is Jeb Bush,” Noah said.

“…You see, Jeb has never known the freedom of swimming in a great big ocean — an ocean called life,” he added.

While Jeb has maintained he wants a joyful campaign, observers are taking note of some of his darker moments on the campaign trail. During a Q&A last week with charter school students in New Hampshire, Jeb said of his dad George H.W.: “All he would have to say is ‘I’m disappointed in you’ and it would send me into a deep spiraling depression for days.”

The petition has so far gathered more than 2,200 signatures in support of freeing Jeb.

“For years, Jeb Bush has been forced to squeeze himself into the unlivable confines of his family’s political lineage. We’ve watched him grow thin, dull-eyed, and recently, void of all will to live. Please help us urge his campaign handlers to release Jeb into the wild of ‘not running for president,’ so he can thrive in his natural habitat, somewhere in the Florida suburbs,” the petition states.

“This is not just about Jeb: By demanding that Jeb be freed, you are taking a stand for people everywhere who are running for president just because their fathers and brothers did. By signing this petition, you are doing your part to show the world that America cares about the basic human rights of worn-out political heirs who just want to be left alone. Help us end this madness. Free Jeb Bush.”

The petition also includes a message for Jeb’s Right to Rise PAC: “For the sake of basic human rights, please free Jeb Bush from the Republican primaries. The campaign trail is not his natural habitat. Forcing this intelligent, sensitive mammal to try to cope in these unnatural conditions is inhumane. By freeing Jeb Bush, you will pave the way for a more ethical treatment of all presidential candidates whose family members have already been president. Please set this poor man free.”