The PJ Tatler

NFL Adopts New Rule Mandating Uniforms Consisting Entirely of Gigantic Puffy Balloons, and Games Will Be Now Be Played in Bouncy Houses

Remember that rule that the NFL was looking at, that Emmit Smith said was nuts? Well, the NFL passed it today.

NFL owners passed a player safety rule Wednesday barring ball carriers from using the crown of their helmets to make forcible contact with a defender in the open field.

Several coaches and team executives expressed concern about officiating the new rule, but Commissioner Roger Goodell championed it and it passed Wednesday as the owners meetings concluded.

It passed 31-1.

Now, players carrying the ball will run the risk of a 15-yard penalty for fighting for every yard. Which is what they’re supposed to do.

A few seasons ago the Dallas Cowboys had a running back named Hambrick. He was big, had decent speed and looked the part. But when he had the choice between taking a hit to get an extra yard or stepping out of bounds, he nearly always went out of bounds. It got so bad that some fans started calling him Goldbrick. Because he wasn’t really working as hard as Smith, who had been the Cowboys’ featured back before him.

Who knew that Goldbrick was just ahead of his time? He’s the running back of the future.

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