David Brooks took a stab at being clever the other day. Unfortunately, he did it in the pages of The New York Times, where clever goes to die.
Romney was a precocious and gifted child. He uttered his first words (“I like to fire people”) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first nursery school at 24 months. The school, highly leveraged, went under, but Romney made 24 million Jujubes on the deal.
Mitt grew up in a modest family. His father had an auto body shop called the American Motors Corporation, and his mother owned a small piece of land, Brazil. He had several boyhood friends, many of whom owned Nascar franchises, and excelled at school, where his fourth-grade project, “Inspiring Actuaries I Have Known,” was widely admired.
The Romneys had a special family tradition. The most cherished member got to spend road trips on the roof of the car. Mitt spent many happy hours up there, applying face lotion to combat windburn.
The teenage years were more turbulent. He was sent to a private school, where he was saddened to find there are people in America who summer where they winter. He developed a lifelong concern for the second homeless, and organized bake sales with proceeds going to the moderately rich.
The article prompted Red Eye‘s Andy Levy to respond on Twitter with. “I’d like to thank David Brooks for showing everyone just how hard it is to write comedy.”
Of course, the Brooks is one of those “conservatives” adored in liberal media circles because he spends so much of his time berating Republicans. He’s a good pet who won’t run away even if the front door is left wide open.
Americans who are right-of-center can still find some refuge in the media. The British media, that is.
Tim Stanley wrote a satirical response to the Brooks column in The Telegraph that manages to be snarky and humorous. Brooks seemed as if he were merely punching up some DNC talking points because he had a deadline but Stanley decided to have some absurd fun.
From an early age, the young Obama displayed the abilities to listen to others, understand their problems and write a book about how they made him feel. At age 3, he had written his first memoir (Dreams from My High Chair) and by twelve had produced his own version of the English dictionary with the notable feature that every entry contained a reference to himself (“Godlike, adjective. ‘To be somewhat like Barack Obama’”). He excelled at every subject and could easily have become an astrophysicist or a baseball player. The schools never bothered to keep records of his grades because they embarrassed all the other kids. Obama spent most of his teenage years volunteering in the local hospital, where he helped the blind to see again. Although his academic life was challenging and friends were few, he found comfort in his middle American family that were just like you and me. Every Sunday they would gather at the local tiki bar for a simple meal of boiled Chihuahua.
There is plenty of comedy gold to be mined in the time honored tradition of mocking our leaders here in America. Unfortunately, onerous regulations by the Dept. Of Political Correctness have all but shut that tradition down in the Obama era. Thankfully, those regulations don’t apply to the British press.