The PJ Tatler

An Open Letter To A Liberal Ass

My friend Bill Reader read Rick Moran’s article on Noam Scheiber’s psychic-hotline act of guessing Romney’s motives for the Ryan pick.  (Yes, I know it’s unfair to compare Mr. Scheiber to a psychic-hotline worker.  I understand some of those self-proclaimed psychics often get things right.  I apologize to them.)

When Bill sent me an email under the format of an open letter to Mr. Scheiber, it was just too good NOT to share with Tatler readers.  So, with his permission, I reproduce it below.

An Open Letter To A Liberal Ass

— by Bill Reader

Dear. Mr. Scheiber:

Romney has, on multiple occasions, been accused of being liberal. The word on the street is, there’s no difference between Obama and Romney. I personally believe that this word is on the street because no one wants it hanging about in their living room, but hey.

The thing is, with the US economy slated to cease to exist… let me just repeat that for emphasis… cease to exist, according to CBO estimates, by 2027, the economy is an overriding concern. Sadly, Obama’s plan for the economy, according to what he’s done in the last four years, is to a) double our deficits b) raise taxes even though his own accountants say that it will have virtually no effect on tax receipts, and then c) spend the ill-gotten gains from these activities on cronies and companies that show the same long-term survivability as an injured fly in a frog exhibit, but which he nevertheless likes because their business plans contain liberal buzz words. Conservatives and even many liberals (those who have not cashed in their brain for a “Free Tibet” bumper-sticker and a coupon for a half-caf green tea latte in a sustainable recyclable paper cup would be favorites) detect some subtle flaws with this plan. Several were willing to believe Romney would govern no differently, however. By picking an actual fiscal conservative for a running mate, Romney has made a clear statement that he’s noticed there’s a problem with our economic plan and will actually do something about it.

Obama, meanwhile, plans to release lots of commercials explaining why his economic plan has totally worked, which will be reassuring to people watching it through café windows as they huddle in their cardboard boxes. He’s already accusing Romney of not being serious about cutting the deficit, because the White House decorators apparently forgot to install mirrors. So, basically, Obama plans to deal with the problems in our economy by pretending that there are no actual problems in the economy. It is entirely possible that by October he will have devolved to campaign commercials where he sticks his fingers in his ears and screams “la la la la la” at the top of his lungs.

The American people voted for a man with a plan in 2008. Team Romney and I fervently hope that in 2012, they’ll refine that into voting for a man with a sensible plan.

Bill Reader