The PJ Tatler

CDC warns: Be ready for the zombie hordes!

The Centers for Disease Control, normally a staid institution that assesses real-world threats such as SARS or H1NI, rolled out a blog post this week to warn readers how to prepare for the advent of a zombie apocalypse. Seriously. And it wasn’t written by some intern hopped up on Nos with too much time on his hands.

“There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for,” the posting reads. “Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.”

The post, written by Assistant Surgeon General Ali Khan, instructs readers how to prepare for “flesh-eating zombies” much like how they appeared in Hollywood hits like “Night of the Living Dead” and video games like Resident Evil. Perhaps surprisingly, the same steps you’d take in preparation for an onslaught of ravenous monsters are similar to those suggested in advance of a hurricane or pandemic.

The Assistant Surgeon General of the United States wasted time and tax dollars warning Americans about zombies. Katie Pavlich grabbed a screen shot of the CDC’s zombie post, which was smart, because as of this writing, the actual post is inaccessible. Everyone knows you can’t kill a government zombie post. They keep coming back on conservative blogs or in Google cache.

Was the CDC’s zombie apocalypse post intended to be a tie-in for The Walking Dead, AMC’s zombie show that had its characters spend several of the first season’s episodes holed up at the CDC’s headquarters in Atlanta? Whatever motivated the CDC’s zombie post, it leaves out the most obvious defense against zombies: Shotguns and rifles. But that may be because the CDC has taken an increasingly dim view of firearms over the past few years, spending time and taxpayer money on gun research, even though guns have nothing to do with disease.