There are a couple of more intense columns that I had planned on writing, but now that we are this close to the big America 250 party I'm overwhelmed by the mood to churn out "Yay USA!" content. I am forever grateful that I write for a company and an audience that's perfectly OK with that.
Let's clear up the headline first. People who read everything literally are going to struggle with it, of course. I'm obviously alluding to the lack of air conditioning back in the Old World.
"Europoors" is a dig at the leftist elites over there who join our leftists in bashing the United States. Like so many people, I've taken great delight in seeing World Cup fans from Europe who are experiencing America with childlike wonder. In a recent Morning Briefing, I mentioned that I'd seen a post on Instagram that said, "The World Cup is just the US having a giant sleepover with cousins we never see because our parents hate each other." Well, now we know how fun the cousins are.
I'm mentioning this near the top just to make it easier to red flag commenters who only read the headline.
I've told lefties for years that conservatives are a lot more fun than they are. The main reason for that is that we aren't self-loathing Americans like they are. Our collective good mood is grounded in the fact that we love everything about this country and never, ever feel the need to apologize for it. That holds true even when things aren't going our way. Everyone has the right to disagree with me on that, of course, but if you do, I'm going to treat it like heckling.
One of the most amusing and satisfying aspects of all the America-loving World Cup tourists is that you just know it has to be eating at the Democrats. Dovetailing with their hatred of their own country is the fact that they are all Eurofetishists. The average coastal Democrat who's never left the county he or she is from will blather on ad nauseam about the superiority of all things European. Those stories also never fail to mention how much Europeans look down on us.
Imagine their chagrin when they found out that, not only do happy, well-adjusted Europeans love us, but that the continent that they insist does everything better has never been able to figure out ranch dressing. I don't even like ranch dressing that much (I'm more of a blue cheese guy) and I know how to make it.
How did England build an empire again?
Finding out that all of that allegedly superior socialism doesn't include air conditioning hasn't been a real surprise to me. Ancient buildings rich in history are difficult to retrofit with good duct work. Oh, and there's precious little money for it after paying for everyone's education and health care.
Health care that probably can't get to anyone in time to save them from heatstroke.
As I wrote in my latest VIP column, I'm preplanning my excesses for the big Independence Day Weekend. The greatest experiment in freedom in human history only turns 250 once, after all. My liver will probably need a trip to a day spa next week. Or a Buc-ee's.
Patriotic, freedom-loving Americans have received a lot of validation in recent years. We've been right about everything that we were called crazy conspiracy theorists about during COVID. The Democrats and their flying monkeys in the mainstream media finally had to admit that we were right about Joe Biden being a mush-brained moron. Now those European cousins who we never got to see are showing the lefties that we have been right all along about how freakin' awesome this sprawling Republic is.
I remember seeing an interview with Robert Redford where he was asked if he ever thought about making movies in another country. His reply was something to the effect of, "Why would I? It's all here."
All and more, I would say.
I have been all over this planet telling jokes to people. The international gigs were all shows for the troops, which has been the greatest honor of my career. Some of the places I've visited have been truly remarkable and beautiful, but they don't hold a candle to the United States of America.
Last week, I saw an Instagram post from a young French woman who was here for the World Cup. She was wearing a Buc-ee's cap. She was marveling about how "big" we lived here, unafraid to do anything. She said that in France she was always being made to feel as if she had to shrink and continually make herself smaller. It was both heartbreaking and a great reminder of how we should always be living here.
My mood will be big, happy, and unassailable this weekend as we celebrate this milestone birthday in our beloved country. And if I ever do any extensive traveling in Europe, I'm wearing nothing but American flag shirts.
God Bless America.
Click the button to get the Morning Briefing emailed to you every weekday. Have your coffee with me, people. It's free, and it supports conservative media!
Editor's Note: It’s America’s 250th birthday! Help PJ Media celebrate the greatest nation in history by honoring its past, defending its present, and preserving its future with reporting you can trust.
Join PJ Media VIP and use promo code AMERICA250 to receive 74% off your membership.
Join the conversation as a VIP Member