It is finally Thursday, but I've been in Thursday mode since normal people's lunchtime last Monday. Like so many of you, I've been in a rush to get to Independence Day. I swear that I've been able to pre-smell the burgers and hot dogs I'm going to grill on Saturday. It is only going to be 102 here in Tucson, so there will be a lot of grilling.
Pregaming excess is something that real Americans do. Why? Because this glorious country has excessive amounts of excess, and it's important that we remind people from lesser countries of that.
I love doing the "Loud American" thing, and doing it so over-the-top that people are never sure if I'm completely sincere or not. Since we're all friends here in VIP Land, I'll be upfront and let you know that it's all genuine.
Thanks to my ability to tell a joke, I've been all over the world. A lot of that traveling has been done under the protection of the United States military because I was doing shows for the troops. Those tours taught me two things: we have the greatest military on the planet, and even the countries that are the most fun to visit pale in comparison to the United States of America.
One used to have to travel abroad to get the most out of being the Loud American. Because the American left is, now more than ever, all-in on hating the Republic, it's easy to get your "U-S-A!" on here at home. My neighborhood is so commie that most of them will probably be triggered by the aforementioned burger grilling aroma. I might leave some burgers on doorsteps on paper plates that say "Die, Earth, Die" just because I'm a people person.
For the big America 250 celebration, there obviously is no such thing as "too loud." As our European World Cup tourist friends have been reminding us, we Americans are absolutely awash in reasons to brag to the rest of the world. I'm sure that there are ways to do that which aren't obnoxiously red, white, and blue.
Those aren't my ways, though.
Happy America 250, my patriot friends.
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