Because it would require a trip to Facebook, I won't be looking up this exact quote. Years ago I posted something like this: "I always find it odd when people ask me if I want nachos, because the question presumes that there is ever a time when I don't."
It's important that I be honest with myself as well as you, dear reader, about matters of food and drink. I can assure you that there is never a time when I don't want nachos. If someone were ever to make me a plate of nachos supreme and put them on the bed next to me while I slept, then woke me up, I would eat the entire plate before I even threw off the covers.
Nachos are a universal comfort food, or would be if they were universal. Regions that don't have nachos will fall in love with them once they're introduced. Should certain areas of the world not fall in love with them, the societies that inhabit them are doomed to fail. Nachos are so adored throughout the civilized world that they are used as a diagnostic criterion by psychiatrists. Any person who says that he or she doesn't like nachos is immediately labeled a sociopath.
Hey, I didn't write the DSM-5-TR™.
Beer is, of course, the perfect beverage with which to wash down a tasty plate of nachos. Margaritas are fine before and after, but if you're not thirsty enough to want beer, then the chips in your nachos weren't salty enough. Any decent serving of nachos should be a two-beer affair at minimum. At home, I like to make a three-beer Matterhorn of nachos.
We live in a world of overly refined palates. Actually, I think that most of it is made up and is just part of some Kabuki theater of pretentiousness among the wine and craft cocktail crowd. Whenever I hear a wine, bourbon, or even beer drinker say "notes" or "mouthfeel," my mind immediately goes to waterboarding.
It's time to put an end to this nonsense.
I follow a lot of food and beer influencers on Instagram and have noticed that the nachos and beer combination niche is underserved. I would say it's nonexistent, but everything exists on the internet. Trust me, don't ever Google "Tijuana donkey show french fries dancers." I think I would be a marvelous evangelist for nachos and beer.
As an influencer, I could visit restaurants all over the country that served both and bring my joy to foreigners, shut-ins, and people in the upper Midwest who think that everything is a sausage.
You're ready for this, America. I'm ready for this. Let's kill the word "mouthfeel" once and for all.
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