For the most part, getting old is pretty sucky: Your back hurts. You can’t eat your world-famous triple-onion chili nachos (with extra jalapenos) without needing a bottle of Pepto and gas masks for family members. All the entertainers you’ve loved all your life begin to die. Soon, your playlist is almost entirely comprised of long-dead musicians.
Young people listen to music, hoping to discover exciting new artists. Old people immediately turn the channel if they don’t recognize the song in six seconds. Young people buy flowers ‘cause they’re going on a date, hoping to start a life with someone. Old people buy flowers because someone they know is sick, dying or dead. It’s an entirely different wavelength.
But there are upsides:
For example, you age out of Celebrity Culture. Staying abreast of Hollywood’s antics loses its appeal. The world’s moved on and so have you. Like, when was the last time you confused Tom Selleck with Burt Reynolds? Or Emmanuel Lewis with Gary Coleman? Or gave a rat’s rear-end about some celeb’s lame-brain opinion on current events? Gotta be at least 30 years.
Since PJ Media’s readership is (mostly) north of the Zoomers and Millennials, most of you are blissfully unaware of who or what a Lizzo is. Here’s your primer:
She’s a big musician with a large following. Her music resonates with her fans — and there’s nothing whatsoever wrong with that. (No snark: I’m not gonna yuck someone else’s yum. Especially since I still listen to lousy, off-key hair bands from the ‘80s.) She’s sold a lot of albums, hosted “Saturday Night Live,” and made a lot of people happy.
The New York Times considers her a leader in the body positive movement. Because of her ample girth and well-insulated anatomy, she’s provided hope and inspiration to morbidly obese people everywhere… who don’t wanna lose any weight. She’s often the focus of articles like this one in Allure: “Yes, Lizzo Is Fat. She’s Also Fit. People Can Be Both.”
Glamour magazine ran this unglamourous story: “Lizzo Wants the World to Know Being Fat Is Normal.” (Reach for the stars, ladies!)
Lizzo is a major donor to Planned Parenthood and has called infamous woman-beater Chris Brown her “favorite person in the whole f**king world.” (So clearly, she’s a feminist of impeccable moral fiber.)
She’s also been eating lawsuits by the fistful. Three backup dancers sued her for sexual, religious, and racial harassment — as well as disability discrimination, assault, weight-shaming(!), false imprisonment, and creating a hostile work environment. Academy Award-nominated Director Sophia Nahli Allison issued a statement in support of the backup dancers, saying, “I witnessed how arrogant, self-centered and unkind she is… reading these reports made me realize how dangerous of a situation it was.”
Other lawsuits have alleged further incidents of sexual harassment, racial harassment, disability discrimination, drug use, assault, and illegal retaliatory termination.
Lizzo, of course, denies all allegations.
Still, with the smorgasbord of controversy and a plate piled high with ugly lawsuits, Lizzo was an odd choice as Democratic Party spokeswoman. But there she was on Saturday, campaigning with Kamala Harris, making this eerie claim:
Lizzo said, "If Kamala wins, the whole country will be like Detroit,” as she spoke at Kamala rally in Michigan.
— 🇺🇸 Larry 🇺🇸 (@LarryDJonesJr) October 19, 2024
Does anyone else see a problem with that, or just me? pic.twitter.com/KCiqfH5GH4
“If Kamala wins, the whole country will be like Detroit. Proud like Detroit! Resilient like Detroit!”
And broke like Detroit: This is a city that actually had to file for bankruptcy.
And violent like Detroit: By almost every meaningful metric, the violent crime rate in Detroit far surpasses the national average.
And unemployed like Detroit: Their unemployment rate is 8.8%, more than double the national average of 4.1%.
And fading into oblivion like Detroit: With the city’s automotive industry gutted, Detroit lost an unbelievable 61.4% of its population between 1950 and 2010. It was America’s fourth-most populous city; it dropped to 27th.
Trump is running on the MAGA platform: Make America Great Again. Kamala Harris is running on the MADA platform: Make America Detroit Again.
We’ll see which vision the American people prefer.
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