Please listen up people. We have a global emergency. Former Vice President Gore has done us all the service of sounding the alarm. Some excerpts: “our polar caps are melting . . . we’re doing bad things to the atmosphere . . . if we don’t wake up, . . . if we don’t put the green back on the planet and put the trees back that we’ve butchered, . . . If we don’t change that as rapidly as I’m speaking to you now,” well, it’s going to be grim.
Oh, wait, wrong tape. That was actually Charles Manson, perpetual guest of the state in California for his part in the brutal murder of Sharon Tate.
This is the real Al Gore: “These figures are fresh. Some of the models suggest to Dr [Wieslav] Maslowski that there is a 75 per cent chance that the entire north polar ice cap, during the summer months, could be completely ice-free within five to seven years. . . . Global warming has been described as the greatest market failure in history. It is also—so far—the biggest failure of democratic governance in history. . . . Not too many years from now, a new generation will look back at us in this hour of choosing and ask one of two questions. Either they will ask, ‘What were you thinking? Didn’t you see the entire North Polar ice cap melting before your eyes?’ ”
Query: Which is crazier? And, by the way, the last time I checked (right about the time former Vice President, nearly President, Al Gore, announced their disappearance), the ice caps were just fine.