West Coast, Messed Coast™ — You Must Worship Our Gods Edition

AP Photo/Richard Vogel, File

Welcome to the latest edition of the West Coast, Messed Coast™ report where the Los Angeles Dodgers begin the weekend “pride celebration” with men dressed as demon nuns! Bow down and worship our gods!

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Hunky Jesus alert

The Dodgers kick off a three-game homestand against the San Francisco Giants. This wonderful California (baseball) rivalry is politicized by the Dodgers because the team chose to “honor” the men who dress as nuns who selflessly and bravely hold pole dances on crosses bearing a “hunky Jesus” at Easter. Oh, and they take meals to people with HIV and AIDS, you bigot.

And the Dodgers think this is just fine.

Some Catholics are angry about the team mocking their religion by pole dancing on a cross with Hunky Jesus on the holiest day of the Christian calendar. What’s wrong with that? they ask. Let’s consult with Sister Stigmata Hari or Pope Dementia on the issue.

Though angry Catholics chose another route to make the Dodgers see reason.

Recommended: We’ll Save You the Time: The Trump Records Indictment Is Banana Republic BS, Too

Catholics reminded the Dodgers that they were praying the litany of the Most Sacred Heart in an attempt to outweigh all that blasphemy emanating from Chavez Ravine.

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Catholics also took out an ad to remind the Dodgers of who and whose they are.

Another commercial by Senator Marco Rubio’s Reclaim America PAC was turned down for broadcast by Spectrum SportsNet LA… because bigotry. Duh.

As Fort Worth Star-Telegram columnist Cynthia M. Allen asks, “is charity inspired by hate truly benevolent? Would a group of men mockingly dressed as Muslim clerics, pole dancing around images of Muhammad while feeding the homeless, be considered a charitable group?” Stop asking questions, bigot! Now bow down and worship Hunky Jesus.

We regret to inform you

We’re sorry to report that Good Morning America is not safe to tell you about the 30% vacancy rate in the West Coast, Messed Coast’s Baghdad by the Bay (when Uday and Qusay were running it, anyway), San Francisco.

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Runaway crime, hot-and-cold-running fentanyl zombies, street crime, and tent-dwelling drug addicts made it too dangerous for Good Morning America to tell that story without getting their reporter mugged or worse.

PJ Media’s Rick Moran reported that a GMA reporter had to do a live shot at 4 a.m. to talk about what a ghost town San Francisco is but was told it was too dangerous to do it at the Westfield Mall — where Nordstrom had just pulled out — or at Union Station. Westfield, the owner of the mall, reneged on its lease after losing Nordstrom because the Democrat-run city is unsafe.

“It is worth mentioning that we are not at Union Square or the Westfield Mall this morning because we have been advised that it’s simply too dangerous to be there at this hour,” said national reporter Matt Gutman to GMA host Michael Strahan who replied, “that’s saying a lot.”

Why, yes it is.

The in-laws

After Gov. Gavin Newsom’s in-laws moved from California to Florida during the COVID-19 lockdowns because they liked freedom and weren’t idiots, we now find that they still like freedom and aren’t idiots.

The Independent reports that Kenneth Siebel, Jr. and Judith Siebel made the donation on April 6, 2022.

Mr Newsom’s father-in-law, a wealthy San Francisco investment manager, has made contributions to national groups, such as the Republican National Committee. And campaign finance reports show that he has even sought out specific conservatives from across the country to pad their coffers, including Missouri Senator Josh Hawley, Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson and Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton.

Though the donation was made months ago, the news of the family crossing the political aisle from their son-in-law arrives one week after the California governor pledged to make Mr DeSantis – who is up for reelection – a “one term governor”.

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DeSantis musses Gavin’s hair in duel

Meanwhile, the Seibel’s West Coast, Messed Coast™ son-in-law is attempting to land punches on the in-law’s favorite governor. His hair might have gotten mussed over it.

Related: Ron DeSantis Calls Gavin Newsom Out

The two men, who are likely the Number Twos of the leading 2024 presidential candidates, are beginning to engage.

After Newsom declared that he “would make DeSantis a one-term governor,” DeSantis responded by wondering why Newsom “has a … fixation on Florida, but what I would tell him is … stop pussyfooting around. Are you going to throw your hat in the ring and challenge Joe? Or are you going to sit on the sidelines and chirp? Why don’t you throw your hat in the ring, and then we’ll go ahead and talk about what’s happening.”

Learn to code, Oregon

Oregon can’t seem to set up a computer system that doesn’t have disastrous results. There were the DMV computer disasters of the ’90s, the Portland Water Bureau billing disasters of the mid-2000s, and now, well now, it doesn’t appear that the Department of Motor Vehicles hired anyone to forestall a hack.

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Listen, don’t worry about a thing. Only 90% of Oregonians “are now at risk of a data breach.” And, of course, Oregon was the leader in the Cloward Piven Motor Voter debacle, so that people getting their licenses are registered to vote at the same time.

‘Victory’ lap

Only in Oregon is Republican capitulation considered to be a big victory. State Senate Republicans finally ended their six-week walkout to prevent “gender-affirming care” and another onslaught of gun-grabbing legislation. This week they came back to work to take a victory lap and give the Democrats almost exactly what they wanted with a few word changes that will provide enough room to drive a truck through.

The Oregon Capital Insider reports that “House Bill 2002 … is amended to allow for parental notification for reproductive and gender-affirming care for those under age 15.” But “under a specified exception, a doctor or other medical provider can determine that such notice would result in physical or emotional abuse to a minor…and thus would not be required.” Of course, this will now become the exception in every case, just like the “[financial] health of the mother” exemption of pregnant women became quite malleable.

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But, wait, there’s more!

Unstamped guns that Democrats demonize as “ghost guns” took another hit in this capitulation. Republicans rearranged the deck chair on the Titanic so that this law on homemade guns (think craft guns, craft beer) would “is amended to narrow the definition of untraceable parts … which would still be outlawed as of Sept. 1, 2024.” Well done, Master Capitulator Senate Republican Leader Tim Knopp.

What a profile courage.

All-star Potemkin effort

Seattle is hosting Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game this year. So the city — at long last — gave the bum’s rush to all the layabout fentanyl zombies at Pioneer Square near city hall.

I took video of what the scene looked like two summers ago when we were in town for a Mariner’s game.

 

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And now?

Take your W’s where you can get them, we guess.

Until the next West Coast, Messed Coast™ update, I’d grab one of those Adirondack chairs before they’re stolen, Bruce Harrell.

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