News & Politics

West Coast, Messed Coast: Are You Part of the COVID Cool Kids Club?

AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes, File

California Governor Gavin Newsom has been located, In-N-Out Burger may be relocated, and Oregon is being dislocated.

Good day, West Coast, Messed Coast readers, and welcome to other news besides Kyle Rittenhouse’s trial, although to read the finest coverage of said trial, you may do so here.

As alert West Coast, Messed Coasters know by now, Gavin Newsom was finally located after being missing for days following his COVID booster shot. Speculation abounded as to whether Governor Hair Gel suffered adverse complications to the vaccine. Indeed, insider reports said he did.

You’ll be happy to know, however, that Newsom recovered well enough to set foot in the COVID-closed San Francisco City Hall. He did so (on the low) for the marriage of Ivy Getty, a wedding so over-the-top and lush, that describing it as opulent is would be an injustice.

City Hall was festooned with what appeared to be bespoke Persian carpets for the days-long nuptials. The wedding dress was mirrored and designer John Galliano deigned to make the bridesmaid dresses for Ivy’s attendants because she’s just so darned nice. And loaded.

Meanwhile, in real California, “they shot Reggie.” Pastor Reginald Moore was hobbling to his car Sunday after leading a Bible study when he was shot to death. The 65-year-old pastor wore a boot on his foot and was walking with a cane when he was gunned down by an unknown assailant.

Moore’s cousin said the killer “can’t run. He can’t hide from God.” But he may be able to hide from an underfunded and COVID-mandated police department, a problem that will only get worse now that a judge has slapped down the police officers’ union’s lawsuit against the mandate.

In police-less Seattle, Washington, people who work at King County HQ have demanded security escorts to-and-from their cars, buses, and ferries. The “homeless,” who live in Fentanyl Flats in downtown Seattle have gotten so menacing and dangerous, county workers are afraid to go to work.

But, sure, you can’t have cops. They’re racist … or something.

On the mean streets of Portland, Oregon, a traffic kerfuffle nearly turned deadly when a sword-wielding kook came after the driver of another vehicle. As the Ginsu knife flailer ran to his vehicle for … er, something, the man being threatened calmly walked to the trunk of his car, took out a long gun, and … well we don’t know what happened next. Journalist Andy Ngo says that no one reported this to the Portland Police. Why? The understaffed, underfunded cop shop wouldn’t do anything about it anyway.

The New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof, who is so much better and virtuous than the rest of us, has decided to use his platform to run for governor of Oregon. Fundraising reports are out, and it turns out that the NYT scribe has raised more than $1 million for his run, 75% of which comes from out-of-state swells, such as Melinda Gates and Angelina Jolie.

And why wouldn’t he want to get out of NYC? Look what his political party has done to it.

It could just be that an actual Oregonian, the talented conservative Bridget Barton, can thread the needle and win the governorship this election cycle, squeezing around Kristof and the other Democrats — among them the unfortunately-named Speaker of the House, Tina Kotek.

Related: West Coast, Messed Coast: Where’s Gavin Newsom?

Barton and her longtime business partner, Jim Pasero, have been involved in Oregon politics for decades and ran the state’s long-running, right-of-center magazine, Brainstorm, where your humble West Coast, Best Coast maven wrote for a time.

Barton has surrounded herself with the same political team who helped Virginia Governor-Elect Glenn Youngkin and Senator Ted Cruz.

Radio talker Lars Larson reminds us that casting 2022 ballots in vote-by-mail pioneering Oregon is even easier than sending a Christmas package.

After watching Silicon Valley clear out because of high prices and regulation, Californians may see the home-base of the cult favorite, In-N-Out Burger, leave also.

Florida’s looking very nice to In-N-Out’s front office these days after Gavin Newsom and his cronies in San Francisco and elsewhere keep shutting down the restaurant’s locations because they refuse to play “COVID cop” and check zee vaccine papahs of their customers, who just came in for a burger.

But don’t worry, you can attend a maskless wedding of a billionaire at the COVID-shuttered San Francisco city hall. If you’re in the cool kids club.

Until next time.

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