Eat the Rich

Back in the early 2000s, when Bush was still president and gasoline did not cost a kidney, my wife and I used to take three- or four-day road trips, one of which was to Telluride, CO. I was still leaning left back then, so these tony mountain resorts were just the place for an aspiring progressive bootlicker like me.

My wife is a landscape photographer by avocation, which means on any given trip we may stop several times for her to get a good shot of mountains, prairies, gorges, and even the occasional mountain goat or bear. I keep a few David McCullough books in the back seat for just these moments. One of these days I may actually finish 1776. During the aforementioned trip, we pulled over at a ranch not far from Telluride. It was a breathtaking site, with bales of freshly harvested hay lined up across the spread. As a guy who used to run cows as a side gig, I had to admit the bales looked pretty solid. That is when my wife informed me that according to the local scuttlebutt, the ranch apparently belonged to Ralph Lauren. Yeah, that Ralph Lauren. The guy with the high-end clothing company who has probably not busted an honest sweat in years and couldn’t tell latigo from a Lego. Rumor was, he probably owned it for a tax write-off.

The well-to-do in our country are buying land again. Not for a farm to save a few greenbacks, but to make their own greenbelts. According to The Post Millennial, a group of billionaires called American Prairie has purchased about 453,188 acres of land on the sly to bring back the prairies and safeguard the land against evil practices such as cattle grazing and farming.  You know, the activities that allow people like you and me to eat. This is from their website’s home page:

Unlike the creation of national parks through government action, American Prairie is connecting large swaths of fragmented public lands through the strategic purchase of private lands.

 Biologists have determined that a prairie would need to be around 5,000 square miles in size (roughly 3.2 million acres) in order to be a fully functioning ecosystem complete with migration corridors and all native wildlife. By building on existing protected lands, American Prairie can buy a relatively small amount of land and still achieve landscape-scale results. Using the American Prairie model, a patchwork of ownership transforms into a seamless prairie ecosystem.

 When these fragmented public and private lands are connected, the prairie will provide a continuous land area collaboratively managed for wildlife and recreation, the largest of its kind in the Lower 48 states.

According to their map, the purchase looks like it takes up a pretty decent chunk of Montana. They have been at it since at least 2004, and the group reports having made some significant gains ever since. Just scroll down the home page to see how much land it has saved from destructive simpletons like you and me. You can even download an adult coloring book. That alone should tell you all you need to know about what the rich think about you. Sorry? No beef, no grain? Be a good little child and go ahead and color while you wait for the waitress to bring you your bugs. I don’t think the members of American Prairie will ever see bugs on their menus. Wagyu beef, yes. Katydids, no.

If you have ever been a farmer or rancher, or have been acquainted with one, you know just how hard that work is. I’m not talking about one of those factory farms you see spreading across the heartlands like a case of herpes. I mean the family farms and ranches that will soon have their own displays at local museums. It is hard work. It is proud work, and the people who do it care for and understand the land better than any tech CEO in a Pendleton shirt and a Carhartt beanie. And don’t you dare tell me I don’t care about the land. I gave up two knees fighting wildfires and breaking an honest sweat while I did it. Save it for your next soy latte.

I see it right out my back door. Wealthy people eat up the mountainsides with bigger and bigger homes to enjoy a view denied to the working man. Wealthy people enjoying the good life at ski resorts that will leave a permanent impact on the land. They get the high-end condos and mansions decorated with western paraphernalia and Native American artifacts that they neither understand nor appreciate. You, on the other hand, get to clean those homes, mow their lawns, water their golf courses, and tune their skis. If you are lucky. You get to break a sweat for them. These people are not protecting the land for you. They are protecting the land from you, for themselves. Another rich man’s playground. You get the metaverse. And cities rife with crime, drugs, and crumbling infrastructures while trying to figure out how you can afford gas, rent, and a hot meal. Or, for that matter, a bologna sandwich.

I remember, from that same trip, we treated ourselves to a nice brunch. The woman at an adjacent table was simply beside herself because she could not decide if she wanted to spend Christmas at Martha’s Vineyard or not. I have literally heard wealthy people bemoan the fact that they had to fly to Greece for a wedding and might not have the time to visit Italy. Or get in a couple of days fly-fishing in British Columbia.  We should all have such dilemmas. But don’t worry about that. You just eat your bugs and get back to washing that Porsche.