I’m old enough to remember when Jose Canseco was a revered baseball icon. The “cooler” member of the Bash Brothers, Canseco had swagger to go along with his ability to crush a baseball over the fence. At his peak, his baseball cards were in high demand. In fact, his rookie card was worth more in the late ’80s and early ’90s than it is today. And that’s a testament to how far Jose Canseco has fallen from the public graces. Another testament to his cultural demise is that he’s hawking a Bigfoot hunting trip with himself for a price tag of $5,000.
Don’t misunderstand: while I don’t believe that Bigfoot exists, I think I can see myself trudging through the woods with Jose Canseco, beers in hand, while we look for the fabled beast. That being said, I’m not sure the experience is worth the price tag of $5,000. For believers in Bigfoot, though, the price tag may be worth it, although I’m not sure what kind of Bigfoot hunting expertise Canseco brings to the table.
He definitely brings a mountain of conspiracy theory bona fides to the table, though. Recently, Canseco tweeted, “I have figured out how to live an extra 30 years.” In case you were wondering, some of those ways include having sex three times a week and sleeping in near-freezing temperatures.
I have figured out a way to live an extra 30 years
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 7, 2019
Besides tweeting out stock market advice and warnings about Bitcoin, Canseco has also unlocked one of the secrets of time travel.
Time travel puts 42,651 pounds of pressure on a human skeletal structure…. can you detach the brain from the body and equalize the pressure it could be done
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 30, 2019
So, it should surprise no one that Canseco wants people to shell out money to go Bigfoot hunting with him. In a tweet, the erstwhile baseball star shared a phone number for aspiring Bigfoot hunters to call.
Go on a Bigfoot and alien Excursion with Jose Canseco contact Morgan Management at 702-374-3735
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 12, 2019
Callers are greeted with a message that explains the expedition in more detail:
Spend the weekend with Jose for $5000 cash. Only 5 lucky individuals will get a golden ticket. Oompa loompas ain’t got nothing on Bigfoot. Travel in his custom RV to authentic alien sightings and proven Bigfoot habitats. Camp out in the wild. Tell stories and maybe meet a real Bigfoot. You never know what’s gonna happen with Mr. Canseco. (Food included) Only serious inquiries please. I will help you book your flights to Vegas and set itineraries. Thank you. Morgan
Possibly the most factual statement in that message is: “You never know what’s gonna happen with Mr. Canseco.” I guess if you’re going to hunt a mythical creature, you may as well do it with an unintentionally amusing ex-MLB star who promises adventures while traveling around in his custom-made RV.