Are We in a Pandemic or Not?

For the last eight months, what have we heard? “Wash your hands. Maintain social distancing. Wear a mask (even though at first we implored you, in no uncertain terms, not to wear a mask). Don’t go to work. Don’t go to school. Don’t go to church. Don’t go to the movies. Don’t you dare set foot in a restaurant. In fact, don’t do anything. If you’re not sure whether or not you should do something, just don’t. Because if you spread this virus, you’re killing Grandma. Do you want to kill Grandma? Now just sit at home and wait to die. Or else… well, you’ll die.”

I did what they told me to do. I tried to be a good citizen. I took the virus seriously. I stayed home 100% of the time instead of my usual 95%. I had my groceries and prescriptions delivered. I scrubbed my hands every time I went out to get my mail. I was a good boy.

And now, one little ol’ election result later, what am I seeing in the streets of major American cities?

There are thousands of people in Times Square right now cheering, singing, dancing and celebrating the defeat of @realDonaldTrump. pic.twitter.com/qXadJe3ANn

— Liam Stack (@liamstack) November 7, 2020

The crowd outside the White House celebrating Joe Biden’s projected victory is blaring YMCA — the song President Trump closed out his latest rallies with. pic.twitter.com/UkrsBq8l5M

— Kaitlan Collins (@kaitlancollins) November 7, 2020

The north end of Prospect Park has turned into a dance party, and every few minutes screams of joy just roll across the park, like a wave at a baseball game pic.twitter.com/ATifpgfuMg

— Jodi Kantor (@jodikantor) November 7, 2020

It’s electric in DC. pic.twitter.com/ORy48kH8lE

— Jim Acosta (@Acosta) November 7, 2020

I knew we’d be happy but I didn’t realize we’d be spontaneous dance parties in the street happy. What a moment pic.twitter.com/8NsGheybEU

— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) November 8, 2020

Watch scenes from celebrations and protests that broke out in cities across the U.S. after President-elect Joe Biden defeated President Trump. https://t.co/d42aKysfzz pic.twitter.com/uEqYJcR08Q

— The New York Times (@nytimes) November 7, 2020

Celebrations across #America on our #CNNElection studio wall. pic.twitter.com/9wKYb7aSnp

— John King (@JohnKingCNN) November 8, 2020

People celebrate on Black Lives Matter plaza across from the White House in Washington, DC, after Joe Biden was projected as the winner of the 2020 U.S. presidential election. pic.twitter.com/VXjg85T7AR

— Breaking News (@BreakingNews) November 7, 2020

Dancing in the streets at 43 and Baltimore, with a special appearance from the 34 trolley pic.twitter.com/eyNZfZngXO

— Brendan O'Kane (@bokane) November 7, 2020

Chuck also said, “Let’s send Donald Trump back to Florida, we don’t want him here anymore in New York!” pic.twitter.com/Vc3JtsBz62

— Dave Quinn (@NineDaves) November 7, 2020

Virus? What virus?

“But they’re wearing masks,” you scream. Oh, okay. Yeah, I forgot, a cloth mask is an impenetrable shield at the molecular level. You can scream and yell and sing as much as you want, and a little piece of cloth is going to keep a virus from spreading. Even if you’ve got it pulled down under your nose or looped under your chin. All those little droplets you’re spewing into the air and breathing in are now harmless, because of your magical force-field. That’s just plain #science, folks.

And now they want us to cancel Thanksgiving? After seeing that?

I’ve never attended a Trump rally, nor any other rally for any other political candidate. Nothing wrong with it. Just never been my bag, even before the pandemic. So I haven’t been scolded by CNN and NBC and the NYT and the rest of our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters for participating in “superspreaders.” Anytime there’s a public gathering that has anything to do with Trump, the journos aim their hawk-like focus at anybody without a mask or within six feet of somebody else. Now they’re all cheering on this sort of public COVID-spreading spectacle, because they got the electoral result they wanted.*

It’s a Bidenmas miracle!

Naw, man. That ain’t how this works. Let me put it in terms that even the most ADD-addled millennial or zoomer can understand:

THE 👏 VIRUS 👏 DOESN’T 👏 CARE 👏 WHY 👏 YOU’RE 👏 SPREADING 👏 IT 👏

It’s a virus. It doesn’t care what color your baseball hat is. It doesn’t care which hashtags you tweet. It doesn’t care whether you’re happy or sad about the result of an election. It’s a virus.

And now that the libs have had their big party and survived their hangovers, they can get back to scolding the rest of us:

According to Johns Hopkins University's tally of cases in the United States, there are at least 9,982,054 cases of coronavirus in the U.S.; at least 237,608 people have died in the U.S. from coronavirus.

— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) November 9, 2020

The virus is deadly when it fits the narrative of Jake Tapper and his comrades, and it’s not deadly when they don’t need it to be. It all depends on the observer. It’s Schrodinger’s Cough.

Sorry, but I will not be scolded about COVID by people who were just passing around champagne bottles in the street because they finally got their cookie after throwing a fit for four years.

Congratulations, you won. I hope you enjoyed your Biden party, and I hope it doesn’t literally kill you.

Breaking News: Mayor Bill de Blasio is expected to say that the “Covid crisis is entering a new phase" in New York City, which saw a surge in cases this past week. https://t.co/BgFC6zLq5y

— The New York Times (@nytimes) November 9, 2020

*I know, I know: It’s not over yet. Look, whatever happens happens. If Trump can prove voter fraud, fine. If he can’t, also fine. Either way, his opponents are even bigger @$$holes than he is.