News & Politics

Barack Obama, On Behalf of All Men, Says to Women: 'You're Better Than Us'

(AP Photo/Mandel Ngan, Pool)

Everybody thinks Barack Obama is a single human being, but that’s not precisely correct. There are actually two Barack Obamas. There’s the Obama who is saying whatever he’s saying right at this moment, and there’s the Obama who, at some point in the past, said the exact opposite. I call them Past Obama and Present Obama. And Present Obama’s super-power is that he always sounds like he means what he says, even when it directly contradicts whatever Past Obama said.

Such as his latest pronouncement about the state of the world. While speaking at a private event in Singapore, he said the following, according to Saira Asher at BBC News:

If women ran every country in the world there would be a general improvement in living standards and outcomes, former US President Barack Obama has said…

“Now women, I just want you to know; you are not perfect, but what I can say pretty indisputably is that you’re better than us [men].

“I’m absolutely confident that for two years if every nation on earth was run by women, you would see a significant improvement across the board on just about everything… living standards and outcomes… If you look at the world and look at the problems it’s usually old people, usually old men, not getting out of the way.”

Oh.

Well, if this is true, I have just one question for Present Obama: Why did Past Obama prevent a woman from becoming president of the United States in 2008? If a woman had been running things between 2009-2016, according to you, the world would be much better off. So why did you screw everything up? It was her turn, and you ruined it. Now she’ll never be president, and it’s all your fault. You refused to get out of the way.

Barack Obama, don’t you owe Hillary Clinton an apology?

And here’s another question for Present Obama: If gender is nothing but a social construct, as we’re constantly reminded by our moral, ethical, and intellectual betters, then why does it matter which gender a leader chooses? If gender doesn’t matter… why does it matter?

But we can hardly blame Obama for pandering. After decimating the Democratic Party and ushering in the era of Trump, poor ol’ Barry needs all the friends he can get.