News & Politics

How to Have a 'Woke' Thanksgiving According to 'Newsweek'

While most of us are hoping to get through Thanksgiving without having to fight about politics with loved ones at the dinner table, our friends on the left — as usual — are plotting to use the occasion to “civically” engage us.

Newsweek writer Carlos Ballesteros came up with some great ideas for the “woke” community to employ as they continue in their endeavors to enlighten their backward relatives. His suggestions for Thanksgiving table conversation topics include Native American struggles, hunger and poverty, global warming, football player head traumas, and the ravages of the most reviled president in history — President Trump.

“Thanksgiving offers a unique opportunity to civically engage with those closest to us,” Ballesteros writes. “It’s the dirty work all democracies depend on.” Yes, apparently leftists believe it’s their civic duty to lecture their Neanderthal relatives about controversial issues at holiday gatherings.

He continues unironically: “So, in an effort to promote thoughtful discussion, here’s Newsweek’s guide to having a conscious, or ‘woke’, Thanksgiving.”

Being woke at Thanksgiving apparently involves bringing up the struggles facing Native American communities at the dinner table.

Native Americans are facing a litany of issues throughout the country. Recently, the Navajo Nation and other tribes are concerned over the prospect of uranium mining being resumed on public lands near the Grand Canyon under the Trump administration.

It’s also worth noting that this time last year, members of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe and their allies were being hosed down by police in freezing weather for protesting the construction of the Dakota Access oil pipeline. And as you’ll probably see once you turn on your television on Thursday, the Washington, D.C.’s football team still has a racist name and broadcasters aren’t doing anything about it.

Take the time and make an effort to bring up these conversations throughout the night. (And make sure you read up on the history of settler colonialism in North America!) It’s difficult, but it’s the least we can do as occupants living on stolen land.

Yes, Ballesteros is actually asking that fellow travelers cram before the big Thanksgiving table test so they have all their lefty talking points squared away. We can’t have knuckle-dragging conservative Uncle Bob getting the better of us on the history of colonialism in North America!

His next idea involves volunteering at a local food drive or soup kitchen. Yes, helping the needy is always a worthy cause and a noble sentiment — unless you are doing it to virtue signal in front of your relatives at the Thanksgiving table.

“According to the United States Department of Agriculture, one in eight Americans—or a little over 40 million people—struggle with hunger,”  Ballesteros informs us. Left unsaid is what sort of thoughtful discussion at the Thanksgiving dinner table he thinks should spring from it.

Something like this, perhaps? “I volunteered my time at the soup kitchen this week, Uncle Bob. What do you do to fight hunger, huh Uncle Bob? Huh, huh, huh???”

Ballesteros’ next bullet point is super important to progressives: “Climate change is real, so don’t waste food.”

Therefore, the woke community is urging their fat-slob relatives to scale back on their gluttonous merry-making.

“Thanksgiving is often celebrated as a day to break the deadly sin of gluttony. And while it’s nice to gorge out once in a while, it’s never a good idea to let good food go to waste just because your holiday spirit was bigger than your stomach—especially when our climate is in dire straits,” Ballesteros chides. “So as doing some last minute grocery store runs, make sure you’re not overbuying for the sake of looking prepared.”

Yeth thir!

The Newsweek writer then wanders into some truly precarious territory: the NFL, which should be boycotted not because of the unpatriotic National Anthem protests — but because football causes concussions and head trauma among the players.

“Besides eating more than you probably should, Thanksgiving is also known for watching football on the couch with some potato chips,” he begins. (Okay, who’s still eating potato chips right after eating a huge turkey dinner?”)

“A recent study of 202 football players’ brains found that 88 percent of the late NFL players suffered from, a degenerative neurological disease caused by multiple head traumas,” Ballesteros writes. “People should know about the dangers of playing football.” Apparently it’s the woke community’s job to enlighten them at the Thanksgiving dinner table. I’m sure the football fans trying to enjoy the big game will totally welcome the discussion.

Ballesteros asks fellow travelers to round out the discussion by getting some licks in against “the most unpopular president in modern times.” And we all know who that is, don’t we?

“The entire Trump Administration, as well as the Republican Party’s tax overhaul, should receive equal attention at the dinner table,” he explains, offering some bullet points he believes will win popular support with woke allies in attendance.

“The GOP’s tax plan will mostly benefit the rich,” he says. “This should be a good conversation starter given that most Americans believe this to be true, according to an October Associated Press-NORC poll. So you’ll likely have some backup at the table.”

Poor conservative Uncle Bob. He’s really going to have his work cut out for him!

Ballesteros then instructs fellow travelers to steer political conversations towards people negatively affected by President Trump’s policies — which is pretty much everyone except for the super rich, of course.

“Most recently, acting Secretary of Homeland Security Elaine Duke announced that the Trump administration will seek to deport nearly 60,000 Haitians and 5,300 Nicaraguans refugees starting in 2019,” he said.

The Trump administration is canceling special temporary protected status for Haitians and Nicaraguans because they believe the word “temporary” actually means something. The woke community may end up being surprised that their marks at the dinner table aren’t all that terribly appalled by this information.