They'll Be Home for Christmas

AP Photo/Jeff Chiu

That which you ask; but with an inward doubt

I soon must burst, unless it is resolved.

At first ‘twas but a single doubt; yet now

‘Tis doubled, for its strengthened and confirmed.


From Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy, Purgatorio Canto 16

As we wait out this purgatorial Christmas, waiting to see whether the Democratic Party will manage to steal Georgia the way they stole the national election, let’s pause and reflect on how certain notables might spend the holiday. Despite the abiding optimism that is still above room temperature in the hearts and minds of President Trump’s loyal supporters, we simply don’t know whether this is President Trump’s last Christmas in office, or whether he will get four more, either now, or beginning in 2025.

Meanwhile, political life goes on. Lofty aspirations and dastardly designs don’t take a holiday when December 25th rolls around.

Somewhere in California, while Rep. Eric Swalwell may be surrounded by family and friends, in the dark recesses of his psyche he will spend Christmas dining alone in a strip-mall Chinese restaurant, afraid to crack open his fortune cookie.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi, after holding up relief to citizens affected by a COVID-stricken economy while leveraging to siphon millions of taxpayer dollars to bail out Democrat-run s%$tholes, will purge her fridge of designer ice cream the day after Christmas in response to her physician’s concern about elevated cholesterol levels.

Biden lapdog Stephen “Cock Holster” Colbert will spend Christmas Eve reveling in triumphant TDS and bragging insufferably about low-information viewership and ratings that would have caused Johnny Carson to throw up in his mouth.


Trump senior legal advisor Jenna Ellis will spend Christmas afternoon working on the outline for her first book, already under contract with Regnery, Fighting the Good Fight.

On the night before the night before Christmas, with YouTube clips of classic matches between Bruno Sammartino and Gorilla Monsoon playing on his smart TV, Rep. Jim Jordan will burn midnight oil brainstorming short term plans to make President-reject Joe Biden’s life a living hell, and longer-term plans to make potential Vice President-reject Kamala Harris’s life a living hell.

Lara Trump will hunker down after the family gatherings have ended and binge-listen to James Taylor’s “Going To (North) Carolina In My Mind” and Chuck Berry hit “Run, Run, Rudolf.”

Georgia loser Stacey Abrams, a worrisome potential Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come, will frequently excuse herself from COVID-guideline-free holiday festivities and take phone calls to ascertain “how everything is going.”

Fox News programming executives, grappling with a significant drop in viewership since the network’s election night debacle, will take a day off before getting back to final edits on a planned New Year’s Day special, Chris Wallace: How I Did It.

Over at Newsmax, advertising executives will take a day off before getting back to recalibrating rates based on a surge in viewership since the FNC election night debacle.

On 12/24, Corey Lewandowsky, fully recovered from COVID and ready to get back on the warpath for America First Trumpservatism, will mull a late-afternoon BCC email from Fox News informing him that if he appears on Newsmax, he may not be invited back to FNC.


Rudy Giuliani, not yet fully recovered from COVID but on the mend, will invite former New York Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik over for quality scotch, reminiscences about the good old days, and a game of chess.

Seven justices of the Supreme Court will retire to their residences having declined to hear arguments on a Texas-led challenge to election results in four battleground states. All nine justices declined to hear arguments on Pennsylvania’s clearly unconstitutional circumvention of fair elections. The justices will digest the potential outcome of these decisions with their Christmas dinners: They may have doomed SCOTUS to a Harris-packed and thereafter permanent Commie-lib majority.

Godless secularist Mark Zuckerberg, and the rest of his hyper-partisan, manipulative, censorious, and intrusive tech moguls, having signed off on cute Christmas iconography for their social media platforms, will luxuriate in their mega-mansions. On December 26th they will go to work in earnest on plans for the business of 2021: monopolistic assists to Democrats, Hollywood, and academia toward the end of destroying America as founded.

The deepest of the Deep State conspirators, Brennan, Clapper, and the startlingly subversive Peter Strzok—who thought his smirking power eclipsed the judgment of millions of citizen voters—will breathe easier this Christmas, knowing that William “Thanks for nothing” Barr has left the building, and that his newly appointed Special Counsel John Durham has dallied just long enough to ensure the coup attempters may never be brought to justice.


Jill Biden will assist Mr. Biden up from the basement to the living room, where they will sit before a faux fire sipping low-fat eggnog brandy. Joe will grow sleepy while Dr. Biden ruminates about the scorched-earth landscape awaiting her husband.

President Donald Trump, among the best presidents in U.S history, will spend a quiet holiday at the White House with Melania and family

While channel-surfing on the night of the 25th, celebrity attorney Sidney Powell will land on Star Wars epic Return of the Jedi and realize that what she should have released was the Rancor.

Merry Christmas!

Mark Ellis is Associate Editor at the Northwest Connection, Portland, Oregon’s  only conservative web/print publication. He is the author of A Death on the Horizon, a finalist in the 14th annual National Indie Excellence Awards in the category of General Fiction. Follow Mark on Twitter.

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