Happy Friday, Gentle Readers,
I pray this missive finds you well. I apologize for the late start today and my chronic absences. As it turns out, building the American Dream ain’t easy. Or cheap.
So we joined a gym this week. I spent yesterday morning being pummeled and dragged about by a personal trainer who was born four years before Mrs. Brown and I got married. Naturally, I had something to prove because old men are never content to let young men think they can’t handle themselves. This led Mrs. Brown to remark last night, “You know, you’re making a lot of sounds I’ve never heard you make when you stand up.” Point taken.
All hail our alien overlords!
From the Thoroughly Unimportant News That You Need To Hear To Take Your Mind Off Things Department:
In case you didn’t know, or care, Comet 3I/Atlas was in a solar conjunction with Earth this week. Translation: the thing from another world, which may or may not be, as Orson Welles once put it, “the vanguard of an invading army from the planet Mars” or some other planet, was behind the Sun. According to the New York Post, the proximity of the 3I/Atlas has caused some to get their knickers in a wad. The Post writes:
The cosmic anomaly — a Manhattan-size interstellar object that potentially has alien tech — has been added to the list of threats by the International Asteroid Warning Network, a worldwide coalition of space experts who collaborate to detect and monitor potentially hazardous asteroids and Near-Earth Objects to assess their potential impacts to our planet.
3I/ATLAS prompted an IAWN campaign to hone members’ detection skills and prep Earth for a potential threat from beyond.
The reasons for concern are the comet’s behavior and metallurgical attributes, which might betray the hand of a higher intelligence.
In his blog, Avi Loeb wrote:
If 3I/ATLAS is a massive mothership, it will likely continue along its original gravitational path and ultimately exit the Solar System. In that case, the Oberth maneuver might apply to the mini-probes it releases at perihelion towards Solar System planets.
When will 3I/ATLAS reach the optimal time for these Oberth maneuvers? Only 8 days after it reaches solar conjunction. On October 29, 2025, 3I/ATLAS will reach a perihelion distance of 203 million kilometers. This opportune time happens to be during the same period when it is hidden from view to Earth-based telescopes. Was this a mere coincidence or a result of orbital design and basic astronautics?
Science is guided by evidence and not by expectations. We can find the answer to the above question by monitoring the sky during November and December 2025, and searching for any unusual activity of 3I/ATLAS or any new objects that came out of it. Over a period of months after perihelion, the tidal force from the Sun would separate the trajectories of objects that were thrusted out of 3I/ATLAS with velocity kicks.
Loeb opines that the comet is likely natural, and cautions against jumping to conclusions. I’m one of the few people I know who has seen a bona fide UFO, and I’ve been to Utah’s famous Skinwalker Ranch. Granted, I only went to give the caretaker a burn permit, but hey, I was there. If you want to hear the ranch story, let me know in the comments, and I’ll tell the tale.
So, if it makes you feel any better, I’m not worried about 3I/Atlas.
But let’s assume that 3I/Atlas is indeed a mothership. Why are they here? Well, let’s take a moment to study the last year in review. Like we need a whole year. If it isn’t the “No Kings” protesters or Antifa, all of whose members look like they are off their meds or coming off a two-day bender, it’s the influencers on social media. Or any given celebrity. The aliens have seen X, TikTok, OnlyFans, and reality TV. Our planet is not the intellectual and cultural center of the universe. Even if ours is the only inhabited planet in the universe, it is still not the intellectual and cultural center of the universe.
We’re not candidates for the great Galactic Federation. We’re a cosmic tourist trap. We’re Rock City, or Ruby Falls, or God love it, the Dinosaur Village that used to grace the space between the farmlands in north Ohio, where plaster dinosaurs lurched out of the pines at travelers dumb enough to drop $20 a carload. Alien abductions? Please! Those are nothing more than the Zeta Reticulans’ version of taking an airboat to the Everglades to watch a good ol’ boy feed an alligator with a chicken on a long stick. Any aliens visiting the planet aren’t here to steal our DNA, seize control of our natural resources, or impart the wisdom of the cosmos. They’re here to take a few photos with the yokels before grabbing an order of cheesy fries at the snack bar and stopping by the gift shop to pick up a “Someone I Know Went to Earth and All I Got Was a Lousy T-Shirt” shirt.
At best, we’re intergalactic snow globe material. Or maybe we’re good for a few plushies.
So, relax. We’re not going to be blown out of the stars. On the other hand, you are not going to get the job as Ambassador Plenipotentiary to the Planet Vulcan. As Douglas Adams once said, we’re “mostly harmless.” But, if you spruce up your resume, you might get to be a skipper on the aliens’ version of “The Jungle River Cruise.” Hell, it beats working at Disney.
Wine Recommendation
Because nothing says “Welcome to Earth” like a bottle of vino and a charcuterie board.
This was a week from hell. The internet took a dive, and subsequently, our customer interface portal was rocked by a series of outages. Not to mention we’re upgrading the website and switching email hosts. So, when Mrs. Brown called and said, “Do you want me to pick up a bottle of wine for you to review?” my answer was, “Good God, yes.” So, behold the 2023 Bread & Butter Merlot:
All in all, I found this to be a versatile little wine. It works well at the table, or if you are looking for a bottle to take with you to the deck or patio, it will also do nicely. Normally, you would pair a red with beef or lamb, but this wine matched up nicely with some salmon patties we had in the freezer. Depending on where you buy your alcohol, this might run you between $10-$15, but it is a solid choice. It is easy on the tannins and acidity, leaning toward dry with a little bit of sweetness.
There is definitely the expected presence of red and dark fruit, but this wine tends more toward a combination of vanilla, oak, and a bit of caramel here and there. Look for a little bit of smoke to round things out.
That’s it for me. Have a great weekend, keep watching the skies, and hopefully, I’ll see you next time.
Editor’s Note: The Schumer Shutdown is still ongoing, and polls are now showing Americans are increasingly blaming the Democrats for this mess, but we can’t let them spin their way out of it.
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