Governor Potatohead: Gretchen Whitmer Uses a Talking Potato To Tout New Education Program

I want to begin by stating that I have nothing against the great state of Michigan. I did my undergrad work there. I knew many people from the Wolverine State, and much of it is beautiful country. And even though, as a Buckeye, I had to practically enter the Witness Protection Program every time OSU played the University of Michigan, I have nothing but good things to say about the state. Unless, of course, we are talking about Governor Gretchen Whitmer.

I read somewhere that Biden had considered Whitmer for the veep slot but was limited by his pledge to name a black woman as his running mate. Hence the rise of Kamala Harris. I am not so sure that is true. I think he vetted Whitmer and decided that her thought process was even more bizarre than his. Who else would pick a potato, I'm sorry, Professor Potato, to roll out the state's new plan for getting more students to enroll in community college? 

Do you remember during the pandemic when Whitmer made it illegal to do anything except stand in one place and breathe through a mask? You may recall that among the more egregious commands, Michigan residents were prohibited from buying seeds for their vegetable gardens. Apparently, that rule did not apply to people who were growing weed or 'shrooms. Whitmer and her team must have been sampling a bit of both or perhaps indulging in a little ayahuasca when they came up with this campaign:

Professor Potato and I are teaming up to share some news that will revolutionize higher education in Michigan.

This isn't just small potatoes, it's a game-changer! pic.twitter.com/AhIDBqjMrB

— Governor Gretchen Whitmer (@GovWhitmer) January 23, 2024

And cue "White Rabbit." Or anything by the Grateful Dead. I considered reaching out to some of my old fraternity brothers to see what they thought about the post. But I figured if someone is living in Michigan and this is what their governor is doing, they probably have enough problems already. 

My guess is that once everyone exhaled and reached for the Doritos, Whitmer said, "Okay, team, I need a message that is going to make me look like a totally tubular, radical, and righteous girl boss. I want to connect with my high school peeps! I'm hip, don' cha know?" That's when some overpaid flunky floated the idea of enlisting Professor Potato. Campus Reform notes that Professor Potato is the alter ego of University of Michigan Ross School of Business Professor Ryan Ball. Ball used the potato filter for his Zoom classes during the lockdown. Perhaps as Professor Potato, he also fights crime in Gotham City. 

The notion of making college accessible for high school grads is noble.  In theory. Who pays the costs for those two free years for everyone, and for that matter, what part of the state budget was used for the ad, are questions that were not answered in the post. But if I were a high school student and saw that video, particularly that bit at the end in which Whitmer transforms into a potato herself, I would not be impressed. I would not think, "You know, it is time I thought about investing in my future." I would think, "The governor is an idiot." Talking down to the constituents is no way to keep their loyalty. Assuming they have any loyalty left.

The internet took Whitmer to task for that very thing. American Wire observed that some kindhearted souls noticed that Brian Stelter had finally found work again, writing:

@brianstelter congrats on the new gig!

Glad to see @brianstelter landed on his feet

To all my college chums who still live in Michigan and have children or grandchildren considering higher education: your governor has a potato for a spokesman and hash browns for brains. I shall pray for you.