The Clowns Are Starting to Get to Me

scary clown in woods

I admit it. The clown sightings are starting to get to me. All the stories in the news lately, along with the Weekly Clown Round-Ups by PJM's Debra Heine are beginning to take their toll.

Last night—or rather early this morning—I was finishing up some work when a car pulled into the driveway of the house across the street. Besides the fact that it was 2 a.m. here, it was odd because no one lives in that house. It had been abandoned by the owner a couple of years ago, left to fall into disrepair. A new family purchased it at the beginning of summer and began work on it, but there's been no activity at the place for over a month. Then suddenly, a car at 2 a.m. It backed into the driveway and just sat there with its parking lights on.

I was a little on edge to begin with because earlier in the evening I had received a bunch of strange phone calls from a number in El Salvador. Since I don't know anyone there, I didn't pick up, but the calls kept coming—more than a half dozen of them in quick succession. I had received several from the same number the day before, along with an odd voice mail. Finally, I picked up and asked, "Who is this?" A male voice answered, "Oh," and hung up. Coming around midnight my time, the whole thing was a bit strange and it left me feeling uneasy.

Then suddenly the car was there. And my mind went immediately to clowns (where everyone's mind goes at 2 a.m.). My eyes darted to our front windows and I half expected to see the evil Pennywise from Stephen King's "It" peering in at me. That car could have been packed with a dozen of them for all I knew. It was probably dropping them off for a night of pre-Halloween mayhem on my street.

Our house is surrounded by trees, so we almost never shut the curtains because you'd have to practically climb up into the windows to see inside the house. No one would ever do something like that, EXCEPT FOR MAYBE AN EVIL WINDOW CLOWN!

I am not kidding, I seriously had that thought, and I swear that alcohol and drugs were not involved (though I can't guarantee there wasn't some mental impairment from the large amount of trick-or-treat candy that somehow disappeared right before all this happened).

Anyway, I jumped out of my seat and ran to the front windows, slamming them shut and closing the curtains. It had probably been a year since anyone had tried to do that, and they stuck on the curtain rod. I grabbed the curtains and dragged them across the rod, nearly dragging the whole rod to the ground with them. A that point I realized the futility of what I had done because we don't even have curtains on the back windows. The only things standing between me and the blackness of our backyard were non-clown-proof valances.