Slamming Torah: There's an App for That

heebsilverman Sarah Silverman, Hipster Jew Goddess.

Last week the Forward covered a "trendy Jewish spoken word" happening in the trendy neighborhood of Park Slope in the trendy part of trendy New York City known as Brooklyn. If the E! network hasn't made you wary enough of the word "trendy" this article surely should. Basically, it's about a doctoral student and an app techie using grant funding to study what makes Judaism trendy with millennials. And if that doesn't set off any alarm bells in your head, let me be very clear: the title "Sermon Slam" shouldn't fool you. Despite the religious-themed location, if God was invited to join in the party it was to sit and be talked at, not about let alone with.

For those of you unfamiliar with Judaism or hip lingo: Instead of reading the Torah portion, and perhaps even the Haftarah portion, then wrestling with the meaning of the portion through a discussion involving comparative texts, the Sermon Slam for young adults involves attacking the weekly Torah portion with a style akin to a poetry slam - rough-edged spoken verse rooted in the performer's emotions and personal (potentially uneducated) perspective:

“Spoken word poetry has become increasingly sexy. ...When you synergize that with something that sounds boring, like a sermon… it’s an ancient tradition that we’re now embracing and making our own. It’s for the people, by the people. That feels exciting to those of us in our 20s and 30s.”

I'm far from Orthodox, in fact I don't identify as a Rabbinic Jew (Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, or Reconstructionist) at all. But this self aggrandizing hyperbole annoys me more than black hatters arguing over sleeve length ever could. Seriously, is Judaism so desperate for adherents that we're getting grant funding to make the Torah "sexy"?

It gets worse. Apparently making the Torah "sexy" doesn't involve actually reading the Torah as much as it involves creating a postmodern pastiche of Biblical words and pop culture lingo:

References to iPhones and to Facebook popped up in the same sentence as “Kiddush.” And the hallowed Hebrew names of God, “Adonai” and “Elohim,” were uttered in the same breath as “s–t.”

And now you know why I avoid obnoxious hipster Judaism like the plague. With its goddess worship of Sarah Silverman and Lena Dunham and its conversion of New York into the New Zion, this religion has nothing to do with God and Torah and everything to do with Judaizing the kind of liberal self help ethos already prolific within the New Age and Buddhist movements. What's next for Sermon Slam, a Chopra-esque two-hour fundraising featurette on PBS?