Bad Advice: Abandon the Hot Mess?
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Dear Bad Advice,
My friend is a hot mess. We've been friends for a long time, and she wasn't always like this, so I kept hoping it was just a phase, and waiting for her to emerge from the other side. But this has been going on for over a year now. Basically, she just creates drama. She goes out with a bunch of new friends who gossip about each other all the time, so whenever we hang out she just barrages me with endless stories about who's which girl's enemy now, and who cheated with who's boyfriend, and all this other stuff that's just stupid. And she's gotten into this pattern where she'll see a guy for a couple of weeks, and then pull away and go on and on about how clingy and annoying he is for still pursuing her; or, if the opposite happens, she'll turn it into this huge drama about how she's going to get him back. I don't think she even knows any of these guys enough to care as much as she sounds like she does. She doesn't want to do any of the stuff we used to do together, like go to the movies, and I think it's because there isn't enough gossipping and backstabbing in it. I miss her as a friend, though, and she wasn't always like this -- she used to be sweet and fun to be with and non-dramatic. I don't know where all this came from and I don't know how to tell her to try and straighten it all out. I just want her to know I think her decisions are destructive and I'm worried about her as a friend.
- Drama Disinfectant
This is going to sound like bad advice, but if you don't want drama, you don't want to be with this friend.
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