Remember that group of needy, hug-deprived men calling themselves the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence? They’re a collection of aging drag gorgons who dress as nuns and mock Catholics. They caused a little hoopla earlier this year at Dodgers Stadium.
Related: Finding Hope at Dodger Stadium
True to their name, one of them was caught self-indulging perpetually, or at least for an hour, at a beach, and has been arrested.
CHALLENGE-O-RAMA! How many euphemisms for self-gratification can I use without setting off the p0orn detectors? Let’s count!
The Humboldt County Sheriff Dept. got a call about a man at a beach in Loleta, Calif., who was allegedly baggin’ bilbo in a truck parked by the beach. Apparently, he had been there for an hour with his truck door open, flogging Molly for everyone to see.
Sheriffs arrived to find Clinton Monroe Ellis-Gilmore, a balding 53-year-old male, nude in his truck, with the door open, clearly hungry for an audience, as he was taking care of squizzness.
FACT-O-RAMA! “Squizz” means to look, watch, or examine. Being watched is what this piglet is into. Get your mind out of the gutter!
“According to numerous witnesses, Ellis-Gilmore had been at that location for approximately one hour, sitting in his truck with the door open, masturbating,” a sheriff’s report reads.
Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence Member Arrested For Masturbating In Publichttps://t.co/iCtRr9TXRO
— Jack Poso 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) September 12, 2023
Randy Fleek, who tragically witnessed Ellis-Gilmore seeding the garden, claims the public pleasuremonger was completely naked, with one foot on the ground and the other on his dashboard.
“Well this is f***ed up,” Fleek objected. “It’s obvious. You cannot help but see this guy, he’s not hiding it. He wants everyone to see what he’s doing.”
Ellis-Gilmore was parked at Table Bluff Beach which boasts an ironically named “Eel River Wildlife Area.” Sometimes these stories write themselves.
“There’s something wrong with that man,” Fleek continued. “He’s got a weird f***ing desire to show off to the public, to anybody that wants to look at him. He puts himself in a position and in a spot that you can’t help but look at the son of a b***.”
PSYCHO-RAMA! “Exhibitionists” are people who are turned on by exposing themselves in public.
What causes exhibitionism? This disturbing definition comes from Psychology Today:
While little is known about the risk factors for the development of exhibitionistic disorder in males, they can include antisocial personality disorder, alcohol abuse, and an interest in pedophilia. Other factors that may be associated with exhibitionism include sexual and emotional abuse during childhood and sexual preoccupation in childhood.
Some people who display exhibitionistic behavior engage in other paraphilias as well, and are consequently considered hypersexual.
The theory of courtship disorder as applied to paraphilias postulates that exhibitionists perceive their victims’ shocked response to their behavior as a form of sexual interest. In the exhibitionists’ mind, he is engaging in a form of flirting. However, the behavior is not harmless, and some exhibitionists go on to commit sexual crimes such as rape.
The onset of this condition typically occurs sometime in late adolescence or early adulthood. Similar to other sexual preferences, exhibitionistic sexual preferences and behavior may lessen as people get older.
Approximately one-third of sex crimes reported to the police involve incidences of exhibitionism.
Maybe now is a good time to reconsider having the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence at your next drag queen story hour. You can see a picture of Ellis-Gilmore — in tasteless drag — holding court with young kids here.
BUNK BUDDY-O-RAMA! Biden’s nuclear luggage thief, Sam Brinton, was also a member of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.
Ellis-Gilmore was arrested tagging a dolphin at the beach last month, yet no news outlets reported it. Mad bomb shouts to Lost Coast Populist for breaking the story.
Ellis-Gilmore has been charged with indecent exposure. If convicted, he may have to register as a sex offender, which will hopefully (pretty please) keep him away from any future drag queen storytime shindigs involving kids. It may also cost him six months in jail.
Do you know who’s a big fan of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence? California’s State Rep. Scott Weiner.
I’ll show myself out.
Mr. Bation Euphemism Scorecard: Six metaphors, not counting “Mr. Bation!”
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