Trifecta! Man Snags COVID, HIV and Monkeypox in One Bromantic Weekend

The Man Who Has Everything

An unidentified Italian man hit the virus trifecta and contracted the Bat Stew Flu, Monkeypox, and HIV during one long, lascivious weekend in June — possibly all on the same day. According to the Journal of Infection, he is the first player in history to score the virulent hat trick.

How did he do it?

The 36-year-old man told doctors he’d had two doses of the Pfizer “vaccine” (which we know doesn’t keep people from contracting the Honk Kong Fluey) and did not use condoms (which we know can prevent HIV) while enjoying a sex-fest in Spain June 16–20. The Journal of Infection reported that the “patient tested positive for HIV-1 and, given his preserved CD4⁺ lymphocyte count, we could assume that the infection was relatively recent.”

It was also the second time the double-vaxxed man had contracted COVID-19, the first being in January 2022. He tested negative for HIV in September 2021 and positive for syphilis in 2019.

I’ll Be Seeing You in All the Old, Familiar Places

The report states the hapless Bromeo broke out with lesions in the places you’d expect. “On physical examination, his body was dotted, including the palm of the right hand and the perianal region, with skin lesions in various stages of progression, ranging from small vesicles (Fig. 2, Panel A) to reddened haloed pustules (Fig. 2, Panel B and Panel C) and umbilicated plaques.”

Yes, there are pictures in the report. Be wary.

FACT-O-RAMA! The report indicates that there is a “frequent co-presence of sexually transmitted infections” (STI) among monkeypox patients, most of whom are gay or bisexual men. Meaning, that if they have monkeypox, there is a pretty good chance they have other crotch critters. #PackageDeal

Silver Cloud

The poxy doxy tested negative for gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia, hepatitis, and lymphogranuloma venereum. Phew!

The unluckiest patient ever spent seven days in a hospital’s infectious disease ward before being sent home to isolate. As of his discharge (heh-heh) from the hospital, he was still testing positive for the monkey-love virus.

For more fun and games, check out this video by my friends at Jokes and a Point. Conservatives are WAY funnier than commies.