During my entire life I have never been able to explain my need to simply go wander the desert by myself at the most inopportune times. It is not something I am proud of. In fact, it is a deep character flaw. But it does seem to be part of the bedrock of the psyche that has produced these writings, and I am long past the point of arguing with that strange and destructive impulse. I hope you can forgive me, or at least understand that I do not understand it myself.
One of the reasons why I update E3 so infrequently — despite my best efforts — is because I often have to think long and hard about things, and that is what I have been doing for these past months. Not only thinking about Ejectia! and other issues I’d like to deal with, but coming to grips with things on a deeper level, in terms of what the best use of my time and limited talents should be.
My hope to create a Disneyland for similar-thinking people was the result of a desire for community, because it gets lonely out here for a patriot in ShowBiz Land. I have since spent a great deal of time, and most of my 2nd edition money, trying to find a way to make that happen, but the economics just do not make sense and reading reality for what it is instead of what we wish it were is the very cornerstone of the philosophy we are trying to promote!
So while I am sure by this point it comes as a surprise to no one but myself, I have reluctantly put aside any hope of building Ejectia until my financial status changes dramatically, at which point I will no longer care about what it costs. After all of the work we have put into this, I believe in my heart it will eventually come to pass, but I can not spend any more time or money on it right now.
The deeper issue is where Eject! Eject! Eject! fits into the picture. Certainly the Ejectia project has taken time and effort away from essays I have been meaning to write. But what I have been struggling with so painfully is simply this: On a really great day, if all the referrers are in line and the essay is out-of-the-park good, I might see 60,000 hits in a day, and I think the record wave (Deterrence? During the ’04 Election Eve?) came to about 120,000 hits over a few days.
Now that’s not hay, but the fact is, the people reading E3 are people who are at least somewhat inclined to the message. Meanwhile, a film like LIONS FOR LAMBS will — even as it completely tanks — still be seen by millions around the world. The entire two generations behind us do not read anything at all. All they see is movies and videos. How do we reach these people? Hollywood is pouring out poison no longer in a steady drip but in a tsunami.
Starting back in July, when we first began to see this rash of anti-American, anti-military films coming down the pike, I began to feel an anger that has mounted into an incandescent rage. I simply could not stand it any more. So as I did the marketing and technical analysis for Ejectia my conviction grew ever stronger that I needed to get back into the filmmaking arena and put myself to maximum advantage.
I work in show business. I was a writer/director before I was an editor. And so I have returned to writing a screenplay, and that is where my attention has been these many months. I mean to get in the fight and reach numbers of people I could never dream of with the blog, and not just numbers, but entire spectra of people who I would never in a million years be able to reach otherwise.
I do want to write a new essay at E3; the situation in Iraq is improving, and I have long wanted to discuss The Most Important Person You Have Never Heard Of: a fellow named John Boyd. I mean to take a look not at strategy but adaptability.
More importantly, I think after all these years it is time to do what I have long threatened to do: continue to write long, themed essays when they come to me, but in addition to finally make the breakthrough of writing much smaller entries — a few paragraphs perhaps — on the issues that I think about daily and which I collect for eventual use in uber-essays. The comment community here certainly deserves something more frequent and invigorating. I don’t know how this will turn out, but I look forward to giving it a try.
Anyway, that’s what’s been up with me; not AWOL, despite appearances, but deep inside Cheyenne Mountain planning a new strategy. I hope you all are well, and can keep a dream in your back pocket for a while. THAT is a survival skill worth having.
A final word: I have heard that there are a few people who have all along predicted that Ejectia would come to nothing. Well, first of all, time will tell. But more importantly, let me just say simply this to all those who defended and promoted it (and me): that failure and success are the consequences of vision and the willingness to act on a belief. Sometime the extent of our failures is a metric of the extent of our dreams and our passion. To those small-minded, small-hearted people who can never see beyond failure and who derive nourishment from pessimism and setback, I would simply say that this is not the place for you. Not this country, and certainly not this blog.
There are endless small holes where cynicism and untrammeled pessimism are the coin of the realm, where mastery of snark and bile are held in high esteem. Go find one of those places.
As for the rest of you esteemed and worthy people, please accept my belated apologies for this delay, and if you honestly can understand the disappearance, the absence and the wait, please send me an email and let me in on it. Because it surely is a mystery and an affliction to Yours Truly.
With deepest admiration,
PS Some short takes when I return from the Holiday. I promise.