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WE ARE ALL LILEKSES TODAY!

I suppose by now it is fairly obvious that I do not comment on day-to-day events. It's not what I'm good at, and in general I don't really much care to wade into an area where other people are so much better at it than I am.

I'll make my first-ever exception here, simply to say this: I found blogs — I had never heard the word — through the Institute of Official Cheer. I was reading about The Grooviest Motel in Wisconsin and felt, from the instant I read James' first photo caption, that I was in the presence of not only a great writer, but a friend.

A Friend. That is how I feel about James Lileks, a man I have never met, but who has e-mailed me on occasion and left me as star-struck as a 12 year old girl with a lock of Donny Osmond's hair.

I have been profoundly moved and deeply flattered by many comments praising me as a writer, but I will state publicly in all seriousness that on my best day I cannot hold a candle to what James Lileks puts out hourly, year after year. One of my great goals in life — and you can believe this or you cannot — is to finally be able to write something so transcendant that James Lileks invites me for a night of poker at Jasperwood. There we will discuss the 1964 World's Fair, and terrible Canadian rock bands like The Kings and Klaatu and Doug and the Slugs. And I will have a chance to meet the man who nails, who absolutely sticks the world that I grew up in alongside him, half a world away.

Lileks has had his column at his newspaper cut. He'll be reporting the traffic beat and city council meetings, presumably. If this does indeed come to pass, he will accomplish something no human has ever done before. He will make a local city zoning commission report interesting.

This is like sending the Nimitz out to pick up some milk at 7-11. It is yet another sign that newspapers have left the building, and that their much-vaunted series of editors and peer-reviewers do not have a CLUE what the hell is going on in the world.

James Lileks is a man of such monumental talent that he will be able to do whatever he wants, wherever he wants, and whenever he wants. But I say something else in all seriousness — and I mean this from the bottom of my heart: For me, the fight to preserve Western Civilization is a fight to preserve the bright, funny, self-deprecating voice of wholesomeness and decency that makes Lileks the champion of the America that I love. If the Trib is that plain effing stupid then one can only wonder what the man will be able to achieve if he finds himself free of that Yoke of Self-Blinded Ignorance.

James, if you need a couch to crash on…you can have my entire apartment. I will live out on the street and consider myself a very lucky man just to watch you walk by.

Your friend,

Bill

(Just another Lileks.com reader)