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Like a Puritan

Wow, Madonna turned into a teetotaling Anita Bryant clone so slowly, I hardly even noticed:

As rain beat down on the stage of the open-air Estadio Nacional in Santiago, Chile, on Wednesday, the pop queen berated a small crowd granted access to her sound check for smoking cigarettes in her vicinity.

It began when her white umbrella inverted -- drawing big laughs from the crowd -- whereupon the singer, wrapped in a hooded black coat, abruptly stopped a performance of "Human Nature."

"There are people smoking right now," she said. "No smoking. If you're going to smoke cigarettes, I'm not doing a show. You don't care about me, I don't care about you. All right? Are we going to play that game? I'm not kidding. I can't sing if you smoke."

"Entiendes?" she asked the Spanish-speaking crowd.

"You're looking right at me and smoking cigarettes, like I'm a stupid f---ing idiot," Madonna said, then stormed off the stage.

Well, you're certainly a stupid f***ing hypocrite, that's for sure. Strike a pose, there's nothing to it.