At least, that’s how I always remember playing Adventure in the early 1980s — and this might be the most dangerous Adventure of them all, as Iowahawk channels Scott Adams:
BELTWAY ADVENTURE
WELCOME TO ADVENTURE! WOULD YOU LIKE INSTRUCTIONS?>YES
YOU ARE SOMEWHERE IN BELTWAY FOREST, WHERE SOME HAVE FOUND TREASURES OF GOLD ALTHOUGH SOME HAVE ENTERED AND NEVER BEEN SEEN AGAIN. MAGIC IS SAID TO WORK IN THE FOREST. I WILL BE YOUR EYES AND HANDS. DIRECT ME WITH SIMPLE COMMANDS.
YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. THERE IS SNOW OUTSIDE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. ON DESK THERE IS A BUST OF CHURCHILL.
YOU HAVE A CONGRESS.
YOU HAVE A SENATE.
YOU HAVE A MEDIA.
YOU HAVE A TELEPROMPTER.
YOU HAVE A MILITARY.
YOU HAVE A BIG JET.
YOU HAVE $3 TRILLION OF GOLD.
YOU HAVE 82% APPROVAL HEALTH.
THERE IS 7.2% UNEMPLOYMENT IN THE FOREST.
YOU HAVE A RACE CARD.
YOU HAVE INAUGURAL PARTY LEFTOVERS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
>EAT LEFTOVERS
>RETURN BUST
YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOU ARE BEHIND A DESK. ON DESK THERE IS NO BUST OF CHURCHILL. THERE ARE NO MORE LEFTOVERS. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
>GIVE SPEECH
YOU ARE IN AN OVAL OFFICE. YOUR APPROVAL HEALTH IS 81%. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
>NAME TEAM
ENTER TEAM NAMES. GIVE THEM WEAPONS AND SPECIAL POWERS SEPARATED BY COMMA. WHEN YOU ARE DONE PRESS CTL-T
>BIDEN, BRAIN
>HILLARY, RESET BUTTON
>HOLDER, LAW
>GEITHNER, GOLD
>RAHM, CURSES
>JARRETT, FASHION
>AXELROD, MUSTACHE
>SEBELIUS, HEALTH
>LAHOOD, LIGHT RAIL
>CULVER, FOOD
>CHU, AIR
>GOOLSBY, BLACK MAGICK
>GIBBS, MOUTH
>DUNN, FEMALE MOUTH
^T
Do you want to read the whole thing? Yes you do — so just click here, since fortunately, you’re not on a TRS-80, and have access to something called a mouse.
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