Ed Driscoll

Don't Be Stupid, Be A Schmarty

A couple of weeks ago, Greg Gutfeld wrote an amusing item for Big Hollywood which tried to, as Gutfeld put it, “Explain The Sexes:”

So forget health care, the wars, the rampant unemployment. The big story in my life? Jesse James, the biker husband of Sandra Bullock, got busted cheating on the delightful, mega-rich actress.

Here is a picture of Sandra Bullock:

Here is a picture of the woman James cheated with, Bombshell Magee.

So, who would have thought that if Jesse cheated, it was going to be with Marilyn Manson?

Who`s next?

Pete Wentz?

Chriss Angel?

Take a look at Chriss.

Yep, my money is on Chriss Angel.

Anyway, this reveals one essential truth about life, humanity, the world:

Men are scum; women are stupid.

First – let`s take the “men are scum” part. Sadly most men on this planet would stick their dick in anything as long as it didn`t electrocute them. Although, I`m not even sure that`s true. If you put an Oreck upright vacuum cleaner in some fishnets, chances are Bill Maher would bang it. And then, not even buy it breakfast.

Fact is, it doesn`t matter who you`re married to – men desire sexual novelty more than anything, and it`s up to them to rein it in. Many of them can`t. Case in point: this dirtbag James cheats not just on a lovely woman, but a lovely, charming one who happens to be worth millions. But that`s what separates dirtbags from non-dirtbags. Nondirtbags make the effort.

Onto the “women are stupid” part. As much as I sympathize with Sandra Bullock – who I`ve had a crush on since “Love Potion No. 9,” she should have known better. She should know the difference between dirtbags and nondirtbags. Her husband is a dirtbag. He used to date porn stars. As an expert in red flags would say, “Holy fuck – that`s a red flag.” What does this mean? Well, there are millions of good men out there, millions who would have been happy to make Sandra happy for the rest of her life. But she chose this creep. Why? Because the way men find sexual risk-taking exciting, women find emotional adventures equally a thrill. Good women choose bad men all the time. And all the good men are left wondering, “what`s wrong with me?”

Flash-forward to this week, where the story gets worse (and possibly NSFW if you click on the following two links):

Here’s a photo of James from Us magazine.

Here’s a similar photo of Magee.

If Bullock ever dumps James, clearly, there’s only one actress left in Hollywood worthy of his obvious charm and taste.